Piti Piti

[~Sophia~]

http://www.aegis.com/news/mh/1997/MH970603.html
An article from 1997 and if anything, the numbers have grown.

Piti Piti

The undertow of sidewalk
cruising between worlds -
lost boys, lost girls. Piti piti
dolls with nuclear arms

strapped, thorny blood fired
from a broken thistle; feathered
shrapnel, the incubus wounds
of a dreaming pillow before

herons lift this impossible love

with cries of pity pity for every
prostitute that was born a virgin
and every virgin that dies in vein.

[Silas Thorne]

A great poem, with clear imagery. :) Sharp, so sharp, as usual. Raw wounds.

I particularly like (well, you know what I mean) these lines, so rich and rough, bloody and painful :

strapped, thorny blood fired
from a broken thistle; feathered
shrapnel, the incubus wounds
of a dreaming pillow

I'm not so sure about the herons. Just me probably, but I'm not sure why they're there.

and every virgin that dies in vein.

Great line, and I think it works well on paper. Probably wouldn't not get it read out though.

[a_little_wisp]

The last line was... chilling. What an ending, and what a story! A sad, sad story.. I read the article, and I will donate as soon as I am able. Thank you for sharing this, Sophia - this is art that is both real and important, here.

[~Sophia~]

I'm not so sure about the herons. Just me probably, but I'm not sure why they're there.

and every virgin that dies in vein.

Great line, and I think it works well on paper. Probably wouldn't not get it read out though.

Hey Silas, the herons are angels carrying their souls to the afterlife - heaven I hope because - most of them, really weren't educated to know any better. All they ever see is the carrot. Piti in Haitian means small but it goes for Dominicans too.

Virgins dying in vein... well I agree, it might not read out loud with the same impact. I could change it to intravenously but since there is no where to read here, think I'll leave it. Thanks for the comments!!!!!!!!!!!

ps: a public congrats on your poetry reading and hopefully publishing!

_______________________________________________

Hi Wispy!!! I don't know if they still exist, this place is Fuk'ed up. A mix of Caribbean dreams and a harsh reality but bless you for wanting to!!!!

I loves you... ya know?

[~Sophia~]

From my blog re: this poem

I'd also like to mention that when I wrote this poem I used some lines from several other short poems I'd previously written but in re-reading them found I was dissatisfied with their outcome.

I did however think a few of the lines from the shorts were worthy of keeping and used them as anchors for this poem.

I'm not sure any of my poems are ever done. Each time I re-read one I think "oh, this could be better if I had written it this way or that way". Some poems like "Spanish Lessons" I have never edited. They felt right in the initial creation and with each subsequent read. But others disappoint me when I've gone back.

I know there are those who strictly adhere to the "never edit what you write" school of thought. I disagree with that philosophy but to each his/her own. I think workshops, comments and revisions are invaluable. I am getting happier with this one but have had a few suggestions I'm digesting.

I suppose the only time an author can't change or rearrange their work is if it's published in a book. Luckily, none of mine are LOL.

[mazHur]

http://www.aegis.com/news/mh/1997/MH970603.html
An article from 1997 and if anything, the numbers have grown.

Piti Piti

The undertow of sidewalk
cruising between worlds -
lost boys, lost girls. Piti piti
dolls with nuclear arms

strapped, thorny blood fired
from a broken thistle; feathered
shrapnel, the incubus wounds
of a dreaming pillow before

herons lift this impossible love

with cries of pity pity for every
prostitute that was born a virgin
and every virgin that dies in vein.


strong expressions!

it ought to be 'vain' instead of 'vein' in the last line?

[~Sophia~]

Hi mazHur... nope, vein is what I meant. Thanks for asking though and just plain thanks!!

[qimissung]

This is strong, ~Sophia~, as befits its topic. I love the lines that open- the undertow of the sidewalk, and the lines that close it. They would probably not be saying pity me, but we should.

[~Sophia~]

Hi Qimmy! Yes the topic is serious. The D.R. and Haiti come in second globally only to African when it comes to the number of people with HIV/Aids. I think the situation is worsened because the governments would prefer to suppress and ignore the numbers. They are not good for tourism. Poverty also plays a huge part. There is very little education and or prevention. Sorry, I'll get off my soapbox now.. I realize a lot of my poems about this place highlight the worst aspects but, there are some wonderful things about the D.R. too. Maybe when I'm done my ranting, I'll write about the good stuff.

Thanks for commenting! I do think of some of the streets here as rip-tides pulling people under.