let fate decide

[an7hrax]

flip a coin
let fate decide
flip or be torn
be torn from inside

in this darkness
only you could find light
inside my lifelessness
only you could make me fight
only you could bring me to life

but then you flipped a coin
you let fate decide
i was torn when you where gone
my darkness was rebourn

[Scheherazade]

Somewhat cliche even though I like the short, clipped lines/style.
i was torn when you where gone
my darkness was rebournAlso, couple of spelling mistakes in these lines:

where = where
rebourn = reborn

[an7hrax]

do you think i really care about spelling mistakes? its not about the ordering of letters but about the ordering of words

[Scheherazade]

do you think i really care about spelling mistakes? its not about the ordering of letters but about the ordering of wordsWow! This is such an interesting approach; really deep, you know.

Care to elaborate some more, please?

[an7hrax]

as long as the words can be recognized and the reader can correct the spelling in their head they will get the message just the same as if it where written perfectly with punctuation. In some cases mistakes like those will help the reader re-examine the work and read it more then once increasing the probability of getting the emotions conveyed by the words across. I could spell everything correctly but I bring the words from my mind onto the paper in their rawest form and refining them makes them loose some of their meaning to me so I post what I first create not the first though with cosmetic modifications.

[an7hrax]

Life
***************

I was born
I once grew
I once walked
I once learnt
I once knew
I once worked
I once loved
I once mourned
I once flew
I once fell
I once withered
I once died
I experienced

[Scheherazade]

as long as the words can be recognized and the reader can correct the spelling in their head they will get the message just the same as if it where written perfectly with punctuation. I still think you have a problem with where/were.


In some cases mistakes like those will help the reader re-examine the work and read it more then once increasing the probability of getting the emotions conveyed by the words across. So, misspelling words is kind of a "trick of trade", kind of a ploy employed by good poets to get the readers' attention. Very interesting!
I could spell everything correctly but I bring the words from my mind onto the paper in their rawest form and refining them makes them loose some of their meaning to me so I post what I first create not the first though with cosmetic modifications.(It should be "lose"). I think you should post this approach of yours in our Poetry section as a possible "how to write poetry" guide for aspiring poets.

[an7hrax]

Heh I'm not a professional poet or anything I just write what I feel it isn't really a technique its just the way I do things, I wouldn't tell anyone else to do it its probably a bad habit what I said in my post was just that it turns out that way. If I could I would refine my work more but I can't bring myself to refine my work in that way, it gets written the way I write it and if it is changed then its no longer my original writing its an censored version of my voice.

one of the reasons my writing ends up like that is because my mind is faster then my hands and in attempting to keep up the messages sent from my brain get jumbled and hence words like where are were so its like a finger print of my brain in my writing.

[an7hrax]

No title as of yet (wrote it along time ago, I think I was stoned)
**********

purposless pain pushing me from the truth
fear of failure holding me down in my endless quest
pain and pleasure merging in my chest
for i know it isnt real it is just a dream..
the pain is fake
but the hurt is real
all these words in my head
round and round till im dead...
death is a chilling
there is truth in death
that is all we have to look forward to
the blade getting closer punctures the skin
all i feel is cold, steel
this is my end

[an7hrax]

glorious music
****************

with the wind it blows
the sound of gods
for all to hear
music loud and clear
dancing through the night
like a firefly's flight
never stopped
never dulled
it floats forever
the sound of gods

[an7hrax]

forsaken
*******************

forsaken soldiers in a fight
knowing they will die
see their comrades on the ground
all they do is cry
drowning in the blood filled air
silence in the night
fallen soldiers laying there
fighting fot their life

[an7hrax]

humanity (wrote this about 2 minutes ago)
****************

all i see is hate
clouding minds clouding thoughts
all i see is greed
stealing possesions others bought
all i see is humanity
humanity emploading

violent acts of selfish greed and hate
killing death and pain every day
"another soldier lost his life today in iraq"
"he was a great hero for his people"
great hero for himself
fighting only because its all he knew
humanity emploading upon itself

[qimissung]

Your poetry captures the passion you feel for your topics.

[an7hrax]

twinkling light in the skies
reminds me of your sparkling eyes
although the darkness surrounds the light
that single thought helps me fight

-

short n sweet

[an7hrax]

bump - any comments or suggestions are welcome

[Angelic Devil]

I like poetry when it sings to my hear, I couldn't sense music in your poetry, but I did sense some meaningful hidden message. Perhaps the words come out clear-cut and obvious to the reader, but what I think you're doing is provide the easy words which speak to the reader's mind.

"I was born
I once grew
I once walked
I once learnt
I once knew
I once worked
I once loved
I once mourned
I once flew
I once fell
I once withered
I once died
I experienced " .. A story in little words.. Nicely put..

Not my cup of tea, but very imaginative, keep it up :-)'

I'd love to read more definitely, try using cheerful concepts!

Cheers,
M

PS. I'm not a professional writer, but I hope that helped out :)

[an7hrax]

I'd love to read more definitely, try using cheerful concepts!


i don't write any conscepts i write what comes into my head

[an7hrax]

Her eyes
******************

How i miss the sparkle of your eye
like the moon against the darkness of the night sky
you face the beacon of light in an otherwhise dark world
in your arms the safest place for me to lay curled
but long since gone is your moon in my night
and now i lay longing for you twinkling light