a_little_wisp
03-11-2009, 12:09 AM
“I NEED SOMEONE TO HEAR ME.” I screamed this, and yet did not make a sound. But my throat was – perhaps you’ve felt this way – tight and tensed with anticipation,
Dry, as though I were dehydrated.
And maybe I am a bit dehydrated of spirit.
I wanted to scream it, but I didn’t,
So wrote this.
The next day, I went to class and the essay said, ‘C’ and the comments, in a nutshell, said, “Half-as*ed.”
And I wanted to write back and say, “You’re right. I wrote it in an hour in the class before ours (ours being a 500-level course) on the day it was due- that’s not half-as*ed, that’s nine-tenths as*ed.”
Once, and it wasn’t long ago, just a semester, I held A papers in my hands that I’d written in two.
Well, sometimes it works.
Sometimes it doesn’t.
... Yeah, I know.
I went and visited her in her office where many other professors were gathered, and I tilted my chin up, just so, and in a proud voice I cried out:
"I’ve done great things! I’m a great person, though none of you recognize it!
I’ve won ten medals in various sports!
(“She’s small, but she’s fierce!”
The coach of the little league basketball roared to squealing girls.)
I’ve found twenty sand dollars in the ocean using only my toes –
(“Meagan! … Oh dear, did the wave knock the raft over?”)
-and bleached them all and sold them for thirty dollars a piece!
I’ve modeled before,
(The roommate rolled her eyes,
“It’s for a photography course.”)
And have been told my smile is worth a million dollars.
(“Why did you have to have braces twice?”)
Perhaps you’ve heard of my twelve novels,
The compilations of my poetry, in hardback,
And my much-praised short stories?
(“And when they’re written
And published,
People are going to love them.”)
People ask me for my autograph all the time –
(“Haleigh, you forgot to put your name at the top of the test.” )
- Why, strangers recognize me on the street!
(“You were in my calculus class, weren’t you? Did you drop the class?”)
I’ve been a pirate once,
And a drunken blues singer at a bar-
Why, I’ve a voice so sincere,
I’ve brought a grown man to tears.
(“How off-pitch were you?”
“I’ll only allow you to say that because you’re my brother.”)
That’s right!
I’m pretty incredible. I’m really not quite certain why none of you recognize my excellence.”
“So,” said the professor. “What tangible evidence, what proof do you have, to show for all your 'excellence'?
Where are the trophies, the plaques, the articles, the interviews-
Where are the roses?"
I stood still and thought a moment.
And then, with the weight of the world on my shoulders,
I held out my empty hands,
My fingers and palms without a callous –
Young, new, and unbearably
Lacking in the thing
She asked for.
I curled my fingers into
A fist, and looked up at her.
“Maybe I exaggerated.
A little.”
I shook out of my daydream,
Entered the office, and with my
Fists clenched,
I asked her,
“Are we allowed to do revisions?”
Dry, as though I were dehydrated.
And maybe I am a bit dehydrated of spirit.
I wanted to scream it, but I didn’t,
So wrote this.
The next day, I went to class and the essay said, ‘C’ and the comments, in a nutshell, said, “Half-as*ed.”
And I wanted to write back and say, “You’re right. I wrote it in an hour in the class before ours (ours being a 500-level course) on the day it was due- that’s not half-as*ed, that’s nine-tenths as*ed.”
Once, and it wasn’t long ago, just a semester, I held A papers in my hands that I’d written in two.
Well, sometimes it works.
Sometimes it doesn’t.
... Yeah, I know.
I went and visited her in her office where many other professors were gathered, and I tilted my chin up, just so, and in a proud voice I cried out:
"I’ve done great things! I’m a great person, though none of you recognize it!
I’ve won ten medals in various sports!
(“She’s small, but she’s fierce!”
The coach of the little league basketball roared to squealing girls.)
I’ve found twenty sand dollars in the ocean using only my toes –
(“Meagan! … Oh dear, did the wave knock the raft over?”)
-and bleached them all and sold them for thirty dollars a piece!
I’ve modeled before,
(The roommate rolled her eyes,
“It’s for a photography course.”)
And have been told my smile is worth a million dollars.
(“Why did you have to have braces twice?”)
Perhaps you’ve heard of my twelve novels,
The compilations of my poetry, in hardback,
And my much-praised short stories?
(“And when they’re written
And published,
People are going to love them.”)
People ask me for my autograph all the time –
(“Haleigh, you forgot to put your name at the top of the test.” )
- Why, strangers recognize me on the street!
(“You were in my calculus class, weren’t you? Did you drop the class?”)
I’ve been a pirate once,
And a drunken blues singer at a bar-
Why, I’ve a voice so sincere,
I’ve brought a grown man to tears.
(“How off-pitch were you?”
“I’ll only allow you to say that because you’re my brother.”)
That’s right!
I’m pretty incredible. I’m really not quite certain why none of you recognize my excellence.”
“So,” said the professor. “What tangible evidence, what proof do you have, to show for all your 'excellence'?
Where are the trophies, the plaques, the articles, the interviews-
Where are the roses?"
I stood still and thought a moment.
And then, with the weight of the world on my shoulders,
I held out my empty hands,
My fingers and palms without a callous –
Young, new, and unbearably
Lacking in the thing
She asked for.
I curled my fingers into
A fist, and looked up at her.
“Maybe I exaggerated.
A little.”
I shook out of my daydream,
Entered the office, and with my
Fists clenched,
I asked her,
“Are we allowed to do revisions?”