The Whether the Weather...

[Jade vu dejA]

Winter summer seasons slumber
March to spring or fall asunder
The crash of snow the flakes of thunder
Predictions foiled by natures wonder
The weather fleeting rain turned sleeting
Hail the chief earth’s drum is beating
See a cloud lined silver shroud
Conceals a bolt of golden sound
Blocks sunlight out of deserts drought
Oasis stays or soil dries out
Beneath the dwell tsunamis swell
As Satan shivers in his shell
For cold in heart in hand and bone
Turns weather veins once warm to stone
The rock starts rolling dawn unfolding
New day must break through icy holding

If you like or dislike any of this stuff let me know cause i'm knew to writing and have never received any feeback ;>

[Jay]

Ah, I was wondering... got it now. You posted your poems (I'm guessing the other one is yours as well?) in the wrong forum, there's another part called Personal Poetry (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=14) for sharing your poems and possibly receiving feedback, you might get more responses there... so if any of the mods (with the right rights) find your threads, they might be moved there :)

Your poem's nice, I like the way it sounds, I think it has a good rhythm. For a rhymed poem :D (you'll notice people around here prefer un-rhymed poems which doesn't mean you shouldn't write in rhythms :))

[mono]

Very nice, Jade. As Jay mentioned, the Administrator and other members prefer if you post your original work in the 'Personal Poetry' part of the forum, with the exception of short stories, plays, and essays in the 'General Writing' portion of the forum.
Your poem, regardless, sounds beautiful. Rhyming seems less common nowadays, and few people can cope with rhyming verse well, but you have succeeded. All of the lines, including the one-to-two syllable words, I noticed, contain roughly the same number of syllables altogether, which adds a rhythm oddly reminiscent of Coleridge's "Kubla Khan," which, if read aloud, contains a beautifully similar song-like feel.
Well done, and welcome to the forum. :)