Short Story Narrative

[Jeremy_PA]

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[AuntShecky]

The plot is good; the execution, alas, less so.

There seems to be an overdependence on sheer narrative. It needs more showing and less telling. You could inject more comic intensity in the piece with scenes where the reader can actually see "dramatized" examples donkey's drunken antics, rather than being told about them.

Shift the focus away from the traveler to the donkey himself. Short stories are all about economy of expression, so the first paragraph can be jettisoned. By that I mean, open the story with the donkey himself. Then you could have a mini-flashback showing how the donkey and the traveler got into this predicament in the first place.

As for your writing style itself: try combining sentences instead of having one long string of simple declarative sentences in a row.
Use ACTIVE verbs.

Lose the clichés.

Good luck with this.

Auntie

[Jeremy_PA]

Hey, thank you, Aunt Shecky! I agree with your feedback; I learned a lot it. However, I think it would be best that I take this down because I am still in the process of working on it for my class. Maybe I can put it back up when the class goes through all the end work this way I can focus more directly on it.