Carrying Words With A Purpose

[2littletime]

Feel free to be as critical as you like..




Carrying words with a purpose
And I don’t seem to get through
You hold my heart in your fist
All I want is the truth

Undesirable memories falling with the rain
With each drop, comes a familiar pain
Reliving the only life I ever knew
A world which all revolved around you

Alone together, pressed by time
Your hands looked so well placed in mine.
I still hear your voice, radiating
I still feel the Earth’s rotation… Fading

Staring blankly, as I collapse to the floor
I gave you my all, yet you still wanted more
Watch as my life story comes to a halt
My blood on your hands, as the result

[qimissung]

I don't know how I'd change it, but I notice the first stanza doesn't rhyme, but the other three do; it also seems shorter or smaller than the rest. I like what it says, however. I'm also not sure about the last line; it seems a little cliched (something I have been accused of).

Really like the third stanza, especially the lines "your hands looked so well placed in mine"-lovely



Feel free to be as critical as you like..




Carrying words with a purpose
And I don’t seem to get through
You hold my heart in your fist
All I want is the truth

Undesirable memories falling with the rain
With each drop, comes a familiar pain
Reliving the only life I ever knew
A world which all revolved around you

Alone together, pressed by time
Your hands looked so well placed in mine.
I still hear your voice, radiating
I still feel the Earth’s rotation… Fading

Staring blankly, as I collapse to the floor
I gave you my all, yet you still wanted more
Watch as my life story comes to a halt
My blood on your hands, as the result