Ticket

[ampoule]

Ticket

Dang!
One minute you're alive,
the next you're.....well, you know,
not really what you want to be,
pushed aside, kicked to the curb,
feeling the gutter water trickling
over your cheek, thinking you'd
like to taste it, but nice, pretty girls
don't stick their tongues in the mud,
but god your throat is parched from
all the silent, screaming warnings
you gave yourself while you stumbled
through that dark alley, more afraid
of being someone's everything
than that decrepit figure shuffling
toward you, leaning now to have a
good look see, your colors fading
fast, a gush of water taking you
away to the drain hole up ahead,
people watching as you get caught
in the swirly ride, taking bets as to
when you'll go down, relieved when
you do cause they really didn't want
to lean over and fish you out. Amen.

ampoule, February TwentyFourth, TwoThousandNine

[PrinceMyshkin]

This is a somewhat different voice, I think, than your usually more elegant one, except that here as elsewhere there's such a confident sense of when/how to break a line, and of course the sentiment is powerful!

"decrepid" should be decrepit...

[Silas Thorne]

Kicks me in that place where no man wants to be kicked. I fall bent and broken. Great! Action flows on until the amen, the end, zip.

[~Sophia~]

Hi ampoule. I started this reply by highlighting lines that popped out for me but in going back to do that I realized, I love the whole thing. In fact, I found more and more to like with every read (4 times) and the last four lines just hit like a ton of bricks!!! Thanks for the great read!!

[ampoule]

Thank you all very much. Thanks for the spelling correction Prince.
I must say that every time I read it I think the last word before the Amen should be anyway.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thank you all very much. Thanks for the spelling correction Prince.
I must say that every time I read it I think the last word before the Amen should be anyway.

I can see it with or without "anyway." (And may I congratulate you on the impeccable spelling of your response.)

[Lokasenna]

I'm not usually a fan of stream-of-conciousness literature, but this works very well, and is very thought provoking - well done!

[firefangled]

Ticket

Dang!
One minute you're alive,
the next you're.....well, you know,
not really what you want to be,
pushed aside, kicked to the curb,
feeling the gutter water trickling
over your cheek, thinking you'd
like to taste it, but nice, pretty girls
don't stick their tongues in the mud,
but god your throat is parched from
all the silent, screaming warnings
you gave yourself while you stumbled
through that dark alley, more afraid
of being someone's everything
than that decrepit figure shuffling
toward you, leaning now to have a
good look see, your colors fading
fast, a gush of water taking you
away to the drain hole up ahead,
people watching as you get caught
in the swirly ride, taking bets as to
when you'll go down, relieved when
you do cause they really didn't want
to lean over and fish you out. Amen.

ampoule, February TwentyFourth, TwoThousandNine

It is very special heart to be able to breathe life into inanimate things, especially those things less noticeable and desireable. Somehow without ever mentioning it, it seems to spill over into the world at large. I enjoyed this very much, Amp.

[ampoule]

Lokasenna...thank you VERY much.
and
firefangled, I think you know how much I covet your remarks, no matter which way they go. And now I am shamefully asking you if you read 'Nap'?

[1n50mn14]

So strong and forward, each line carried me through very forcefully. A real kick in the teeth.

[Virgil]

I like the voice. I was convincing and the point of view interesting, sort of like a person's soul outside looking at his body. I really liked these lines:

...thinking you'd
like to taste it, but nice, pretty girls
don't stick their tongues in the mud,
Sort of erotic in a gross sort of way. :D

[ampoule]

BeccaT...thanks!

Virgil...you crack me up. ;)