The Children's Crusade

[qimissung]

We were warriors
The sword of justice burned in our collective hearts
The blood that we would spend, we thought,
Would buy a cup of freedom for a hungry child
Oh we believed as we joined arms and marched,
Heads held high, into the battlefield

And then we lay
Scattered alone like broken dolls
The song of truth dying on our lips
The faith of our fathers trickling from our slack mouths
The chariots of fire no longer burning behind
Our bright believing eyes

We loved mercy more than life
And now our life is gone
We died to make men free

[PrinceMyshkin]

You showed me this before posting it. Did I adequately express how deeply I admire it? The sure, steady progression, the entire absence of anything the least bit strident, though one can feel your pain in every word...

[easyeverett]

This is elegant power through exquisite poetic expression my new friend. Beautiful is the only word that does this piece justice and even it falls woefully short. easy

[Lokasenna]

Agreed - beautiful, eloquent and expressive!

[~Sophia~]

Hi Q

I meant to comment earlier (sorry). An accurate reflection and I especially felt these lines



The blood that we would spend, we thought,
Would buy a cup of freedom for a hungry child

Killer - and sadly so very true. Excellent!

[qimissung]

Thank You Prince,easy, Lokasenna, and ~Sophia~. Why, when we can replace one human heart with another, are we still giving our lives to attain freedom? And why are so many of them who are giving their lives so young? Thank you for pondering these things with me.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thank You Prince,easy, Lokasenna, and ~Sophia~. Why, when we can replace one human heart with another, are we still giving our lives to attain freedom? And why are so many of them who are giving their lives so young? Thank you for pondering these things with me.

The sad truth is, I think, that we are never going to see the end of war, bigotry, economic injustice, pockets of gluttonous excess in the midst of malnutrition and starvation: the question is how not to be overwhelmed by all of that and even as we do what each of us is motivated to do in opposition to it, to live the most joyful, useful, loving lives that we can.

[~Sophia~]

Oh little Cosette, can I point you toward your avatar?

"Do you hear the people sing,
singing a song of angry men
it is the music of a people
who will not be slaves again.
When the beating of your heart
echoes the beating of the drum
there is a life about to start
when tomorrow comes".

Sometimes it does seem that the greed will never end.

[qimissung]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmaTNf4YhEs&feature=channel_page

It's one of my favorites!!!:)

[Virgil]

Qimi, would you be upset if I said i didn't think it your best effort? But there are a alot of cliches in there, perhaps in almost every line: "The sword of justice," "The blood that we would spend," "a cup of freedom," "Heads held high" and others. May I suggest that a metaphor generated by using the preposition "of" almost always weakens a line. Sword of justice, cup of freedom, song of truth. Off the bat they echo cliches, even if you create a sparkiling new one and they are incredibly easy to do and have a certain superficiality to them. Here off the top of my head I'll come up with a few: open the door of reason, feel the lion of passion, drink from the glass of life, and so on. I'm sorry for criticising but I think even if you disagree with me that you be conscious of these phrasings.

I did like these lines:
"And then we lay
Scattered alone like broken dolls"

[qimissung]

Well, "the song of truth," "faith of our fathers," "chariots of fire," and "we loved mercy more than life" may seem familiar because they come from patriotic songs. I used "blood we spend" to deliberately make a play on the word "spend": that their blood was both lost and used in payment for freedom.

In fact, the whole thing is a play on the patriotic cliches we use to convince ourselves of the rightness of a particular war. Some wars need to be fought, but I have watched people approach the need for war and convince themselves of it with certain justifications.

But Virgil, you are right, I should be aware and conscious of what and how I am writing. Thank you for your astute insight.

[qimissung]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBbVQA-p2wU&feature=channel_page

Here's a gorgeous song about a young boy who lost his life in a war. No one can write a song to break your heart like the Irish.

[PrinceMyshkin]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBbVQA-p2wU&feature=channel_page

Here's a gorgeous song about a young boy who lost his life in a war. No one can write a song to break your heart like the Irish.

The Irish can't even say "Good morning" without making it sound like a lyric poem!

[qimissung]

:lol: So true!

[andave_ya]

:) Patriotism -true patriotism that is- makes my heart beat faster, cliches notwithstanding. Thanks for a splendid poem!

[qimissung]

It does, doesn't it? I wish I could recapture the feeling I would get as a child and we sang our national anthem, or when I watch a movie that has to do with the Revolutionary War-I can still re-capture it somewhat when I watch one of those! A very good one is "Revolution" with Al Pacino, about the American revolution.

Thank You andave_ya, for stopping by to read. I'm glad you like it.

[PrinceMyshkin]

:) Patriotism -true patriotism that is- makes my heart beat faster, cliches notwithstanding. Thanks for a splendid poem!

On the other hand, there must be few things more poisonous than "My country, right or wrong." As E.M. Forster said, "If I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying a friend, I hope I would choose to betray my country."

[Virgil]

Well, "the song of truth," "faith of our fathers," "chariots of fire," and "we loved mercy more than life" may seem familiar because they come from patriotic songs. I used "blood we spend" to deliberately make a play on the word "spend": that their blood was both lost and used in payment for freedom.

In fact, the whole thing is a play on the patriotic cliches we use to convince ourselves of the rightness of a particular war. Some wars need to be fought, but I have watched people approach the need for war and convince themselves of it with certain justifications.

But Virgil, you are right, I should be aware and conscious of what and how I am writing. Thank you for your astute insight.

Oh I see. I didn't catch that. I guess there are echoes of The Battle Hymn of the Republic and I guess others that I'm not familiar with. OK. Now I understand.

Which begs another question, if three quaters of the lines of a poem are borrowed, can the poem really stand on itself? This is an aesthetic question which I've contemplated before. It comes to whether the point of poetry to make a point or is it to create language? Not that you have to answer it Qimi, just the ramblings of my mind. :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

Oh I see. I didn't catch that. I guess there are echoes of The Battle Hymn of the Republic and I guess others that I'm not familiar with. OK. Now I understand.

Which begs another question, if three quaters of the lines of a poem are borrowed, can the poem really stand on itself? This is an aesthetic question which I've contemplated before. It comes to whether the point of poetry to make a point or is it to create language? Not that you have to answer it Qimi, just the ramblings of my mind. :)

I think that one of the probably innumerable points of poetry may be to comment on demotic speech, in which case cliches might be precisely the essence of it, provided that they are so contextualized that they are meant to be seen as cliches rather than as blazingly original coin.

[Virgil]

I think that one of the probably innumerable points of poetry may be to comment on demotic speech, in which case cliches might be precisely the essence of it, provided that they are so contextualized that they are meant to be seen as cliches rather than as blazingly original coin.

I agree. There is a place for a cliche.

[qimissung]

Well, while mine may not be a poem for the ages, I did have a purpose in mind for those cliches, the patriotic rhetoric we use to whip ourselves into conviction. I think it works anyway, that I created a metaphorical picture of the words themselves as part of the corpse, and that they were meant to be seen as cliches.

I did give some thought to your question, Virgil, after I wrote it. I think this stands as original, but it is a question that does need to be contemplated thoughtfully and (as much as is possible) objectively by the author/artist.

[firefangled]

Excellent poem, Qimi. A young 18 year old friend of my daughter just left college to join the army, with no clue as to why or the possibilities.

Someday we will perhaps tire of war and it's broken promises, but it will take a mighty big leap of faith on everyone's part.

[qimissung]

Thanks firefangled. That's exactly what I'm talking about.

[andave_ya]

On the other hand, there must be few things more poisonous than "My country, right or wrong." As E.M. Forster said, "If I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying a friend, I hope I would choose to betray my country."

true, true - but only if that's what patriotism means to a person. For me it's "I love my country, right or wrong. That doesn't mean I support everything it does ;)"

I wanted to ask - qimissung, why did you call it the Children's Crusade? That's a really interesting title, considering the content.

[qimissung]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Children%27s_Crusade

I called it "The Children"s Crusade because one of the ideas in the poem,for me, is that we are forever sending off our young men (and now women) to fight for us. Logically, of course, I understand that armies need young, exuberantly healthy people, but it just seems wrong to me. And, yes, I know that many people who enlist want to go fight. Still...

So, I called it "The Children's Crusade. When I took history in the 7th grade they still believed that it was children, but apparently it wasn't (see link above) which is kind of a relief, actually.