Word sculpture on scholar X (under construction)

[Silas Thorne]

Perhaps a part of me and mine eye's ear his walking,
butting the tarmac with footfalls his head
full of the figureless weight of thoughts
unable to separate the YouWe&I of others' leavings.

Rabid he, face shaking phlegm at my comments
slams a book on my intentions, stamping them dry
with his Isms, a black-suited Santa
throwing forth names like candy for children.

(A pile under books he's read before, I,
under a pile of desked cell-scrawlings;
a crab with pincers blunted by the rocks
waiting for the tide to come in and be free.)

© Silas Thorne 18/2/09

[Silas Thorne]

Unsure whether to include the last part. Any ideas?

[~Sophia~]

Hi Silas. I think you should include it. In fact, it was my favourite part. The only place I really stumbled was the first line. I get the premise, the intent but it kind of threw me off the horse (know what I mean). If you could find a way to say the same thing differently (yikes) numbskulls like me could get right into the meat of it.

ps: I did love it though (after I put my thinking cap on)

[easyeverett]

Hello Silas and your love of language glares with
intimate joy in this piece and I am sure in all your
poetic and nonnpoetic efforts. I especially enjoyed
the last part. How about " ....
a crab with pincers blunted by the rocks
waiting for the tide to come in and be free". I loved
both the metaphorical nature of that line and also
I felt it fit, snugly, with the preceding strophes. It
would work great as a gallant couplet. tom