cloud390
02-14-2009, 09:14 PM
Just trying to take the rust off so any and all critiques is great. Basically I wanted to write it like those who were reading it were Death. Kinda short but ehh it is what it is.
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Oh hey I didn't notice you there, creeping up on me like that. But you are a funny thing aren't you Death? Coming when we least expect it. But then again I could say the same about your sister, Life. She stays with you when you least expect it. You probably think I'm crazy, Death; reading my words like this, witnessing me sit here by this dying camp fire in this lonely and deserted world. It wasn't always like this you know. No it's true! Ok so maybe I lied a little. This world isn’t deserted but it sure is lonely. Well for me. Don't look at me like that. Don't look away. Look at me. LOOK AT ME!
That's better, Death. You mind if I call you that? Your sister is still with me it seems which makes us related, for now at least. For as long as you read my words we are together, which means I am still Life and you are still Death, reading my words contemplating when you and I are to become one and for Life to leave me and bond with another. Scared? Nah. Death, just like life is a natural thing, naturally crazy thing that is. Ah don't look at me like that Death, you aren't crazy. It's us that’s crazy. It's whether you are just a middle man as we all hope or the end man that makes us scared. No don't come closer! Not yet! Continue reading. READ!
That's better, stay right there. That's a healthy distance. It was just getting colder the closer you got you know? No, it's not your fault. It's mine. I just think we are better as friends and not as lovers. I don't want to embrace you; I don't want to cheat on Life. Life has been good to me up until today. I'm not mad at her; no I'm mad at you. I'm mad at you for taking my friends and family and making them cheat on Life! You are a deceptive and manipulating person and made them cheat with you. Stay back! Read! Continue reading!
Alright good, at least finish my story. Finish reading my words. I promise to not blame you anymore. This is your job after all and your reason for living. Ok I'm sorry for laughing at that statement. Sorry! But I just couldn't help it. Read it again, take in my words and you'll smile. Isn't that funny? Irony at it’s best. Your reason for living. Get it? You’re death.
Yea I know bad joke.
I'll make a deal with you Death, you give me until this campfire dies to tell my story and I will happily cheat on life with you. But you have to promise to read my words and not get any closer!
Alright good, stay right there. Why what? Oh I'm sorry. You mumbled and I couldn't understand your words. Oh. You spoke fine, it's just my hearing that is dying? I understand, I don't have much time. No point in making you read the useless facts of my beginning life and boring childhood, so just imagine a normal kid growing up in a governed world. Yea I know boring, but continue reading. Even though your sister and I had a boring relationship, it was a nice relationship. Everything was nice and very much alive. Alive up until this morning that is.
What? You can’t hear me? I can hear myself perfectly. Are you sure you aren’t dying? Hello? Death? Where are you?! Where’s the warmth from the campfire that was here a minute ago? The breeze that tickled my body is gone... No don’t do this! We had a deal! No! NO! Help! Someone help me! HELP! Why do I hear nothing but my words? Am I talking out loud or are these my thoughts? I’m blind!! Oh god I’ve gone blind! No, please don’t do this Death! DEATH!
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Oh hey I didn't notice you there, creeping up on me like that. But you are a funny thing aren't you Death? Coming when we least expect it. But then again I could say the same about your sister, Life. She stays with you when you least expect it. You probably think I'm crazy, Death; reading my words like this, witnessing me sit here by this dying camp fire in this lonely and deserted world. It wasn't always like this you know. No it's true! Ok so maybe I lied a little. This world isn’t deserted but it sure is lonely. Well for me. Don't look at me like that. Don't look away. Look at me. LOOK AT ME!
That's better, Death. You mind if I call you that? Your sister is still with me it seems which makes us related, for now at least. For as long as you read my words we are together, which means I am still Life and you are still Death, reading my words contemplating when you and I are to become one and for Life to leave me and bond with another. Scared? Nah. Death, just like life is a natural thing, naturally crazy thing that is. Ah don't look at me like that Death, you aren't crazy. It's us that’s crazy. It's whether you are just a middle man as we all hope or the end man that makes us scared. No don't come closer! Not yet! Continue reading. READ!
That's better, stay right there. That's a healthy distance. It was just getting colder the closer you got you know? No, it's not your fault. It's mine. I just think we are better as friends and not as lovers. I don't want to embrace you; I don't want to cheat on Life. Life has been good to me up until today. I'm not mad at her; no I'm mad at you. I'm mad at you for taking my friends and family and making them cheat on Life! You are a deceptive and manipulating person and made them cheat with you. Stay back! Read! Continue reading!
Alright good, at least finish my story. Finish reading my words. I promise to not blame you anymore. This is your job after all and your reason for living. Ok I'm sorry for laughing at that statement. Sorry! But I just couldn't help it. Read it again, take in my words and you'll smile. Isn't that funny? Irony at it’s best. Your reason for living. Get it? You’re death.
Yea I know bad joke.
I'll make a deal with you Death, you give me until this campfire dies to tell my story and I will happily cheat on life with you. But you have to promise to read my words and not get any closer!
Alright good, stay right there. Why what? Oh I'm sorry. You mumbled and I couldn't understand your words. Oh. You spoke fine, it's just my hearing that is dying? I understand, I don't have much time. No point in making you read the useless facts of my beginning life and boring childhood, so just imagine a normal kid growing up in a governed world. Yea I know boring, but continue reading. Even though your sister and I had a boring relationship, it was a nice relationship. Everything was nice and very much alive. Alive up until this morning that is.
What? You can’t hear me? I can hear myself perfectly. Are you sure you aren’t dying? Hello? Death? Where are you?! Where’s the warmth from the campfire that was here a minute ago? The breeze that tickled my body is gone... No don’t do this! We had a deal! No! NO! Help! Someone help me! HELP! Why do I hear nothing but my words? Am I talking out loud or are these my thoughts? I’m blind!! Oh god I’ve gone blind! No, please don’t do this Death! DEATH!