A little help with a Valentine's poem

[Knetch]

I usually write my girlfriend little poems once or twice a week. These usually take a few minutes to write and are mostly "cute" words put together. But for Valentine's Day I want to do something special. I have been working for a while on this poem and cannot decide on which phrasing to go with. Would anyone mind helping me, specifically telling me which one sounds better to you.

This is the poem(s):
(1)
Let me breathe in that sweet embrace,
Of your arms upon my arms such
That my chest atop your chest, set face to face
Heaves at the slightest touch
And gasps out a labored breath

Let now our mouths lock tight together
Fiercely so that none will ever tear
This love of ours, so tender
Will expose us now: bare
And holding to the threads of faith

(2)

Let me breathe in that sweet embrace,
Of your arms upon my arms such
That my chest atop your chest, set face to face
Heaves at the slightest touch
Gasping out a labored breath

Let now our mouths lock tight together
Fiercely so that none will ever tear
This love of ours, so tender
Will expose us now: bare
And holding to the threads of faith


The parts underlined are the sole changes. I would appreciate the input. Also, I am not looking at any critique of the poem. I realize I'm not writer, but I do want to write her the one that will sound the best.

[dramasnot6]

So sweet of you to do that!

It's passionate and powerful. I like 'gasping' best. I think it reads best with the previous line, it's the most fluid word choice.

Good luck and Happy Valentines Day!