This Sporting Life

[Biggus]

THE BEAUTIFUL GAME

I'd like to speak of a hate of mine
The football men of the Argentine
Players blessed with skill and flair
And pace to make you stand and stare
So when endowed with grace and style
Resort to such unsporting guile
They push and pull and kick and dive
As to win at any cost they strive
And when they’re court the offending players
Will offer up their hands in prayers
The slightest touch on any spot
And they go down like they’ve been shot
They lead with arms and tackle late
And hope there foe retaliate
Victories are always tinged with shame
When they could light up the beautiful game

[Biggus]

QUIET PLEASE

If you are a City fan
Keep silent if you can
As you stand at Old Trafford
As silence falls in accord
Please don’t speak out
Please don’t scream or shout
Acknowledge the silence
For those who lived once
Don’t think about the “Babes”
Cold and dead in the carnage
If hatred in your heart and head
Stops you honouring United’s dead
Give your silence as a gift
In remembrance of Frank Swift

[Biggus]

McPELE

Brazil Brazil is the Celtic chant
From the clan McCarlos and McCafu
Scotland’s allies in the yellow and blue
Must defeat the Englishmen for you
I feel more pity than I feel contempt
Though not enough to shed a tear
What a truly sad existence you endure
No talented team of Scots to cheer
How sad and bitter you poor Celts are
Lacking a worthy team home grown
You must bathe in the reflected glory
Of greater nations than your own

[Biggus]

THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER

Was it the organisation?
That was to blame
Or profiteering retailers
Perhaps too greedy
Pubs and clubs to liberal?
Uninterested in consequences
A faulty screen was a factor
In the ensuing conflict
But all of the above played a part
So technology caused the spark
And Alcohol fuelled the flames
What began with scuffle and skirmish
Erupted in a volcano of hate
And then the battle commenced
As the angry and the drunk
Rampaged through the city
The police were mobilized
To quell hostilities
But hopelessly out numbered
They had to withdraw
They fell back to regroup
Pursued by packs
Of blue clad animals
In the mêlée
A lone officer, a tail ender
Already wounded by a bottle
Stumbled and fell before his pursuers
They quickly surrounded him
And kicks rained in on him
But amidst this madness, this carnage
A rangers fan, an army man
Hauled the stricken officer to his feet
And dragged him away from the fight
At first stunned the thugs looked on bemused
Then they charged on
Urged on by the soldier
The officer ran muscles burning
But for the soldier propelling him along
The officer would have fallen
Then sanctuary was in sight
A police van sat invitingly
But they must run on
The soldier yelled encouragement
The officer responded
As they reached the police van
The officer was pushed into the back
And a line of yellow coated police
Swarmed onto the attacking rangers phalanx
And in that instant the soldier was gone
Where did he go, the Good Samaritan
Who was he? This savior
The soldier whose humanity
Surpassed his baser instincts
Will we ever know who he was?
Or where he came from
Should we try to find him?
To heap glory on him
Or should we just thank God for him

May 14th 2008
The events following the UEFA Cup final at the City of Manchester Stadium

[Biggus]

AU REVOIR - LA COUPE DE MONDE (World Cup 2002 Korea and Japan)

They travel east
With Gaelic pride
No where to run
Nowhere to hide
Its said pride comes
Before a fall
They fell from high
Against Senegal
The next game a win
Or wonder why
A draw this time
With Uruguay
The final game
They have to win
Their cup defense
Must now begin
Will they play
Them off the park
They lose again
Against Denmark
So France crash out
And exit early
Perhaps they’ll miss
The hurly burly
No broken hearts
They leave behind
Were glad they’re gone
To be unkind
So what’s the reason
France are out
We demand to know
The Frenchies shout
The answer is in
My firm belief
They should have eaten
British Beef

[Biggus]

GOOD BYE TOMMY

Good bye Tommy
Celtics gentleman
Respected by professionals
Respected by the fans

Good bye Tommy
Celtic servant and friend
A rock and pillar
Until your early end

Good bye Tommy
High in our esteem
The Celtic angels now
Have a new man on the team

Tommy Burns Died May 15th 2008

[Biggus]

1966

Crossed from the wing
By Alan Ball
He picks out Hurst
Who’s standing tall
He takes control
A turn and shot
Its hit the bar
Was it in or not?
It crashes down
Onto the line
Has it crossed?
It must this time
It’s not a goal
The Germans say
Where’s the ref
He’s gone away
He even asks
The linesman too
He nods his head
England three - two
I have regrets
About that day
We did not win fare
The Germans say
Nearly forty
Years of doubt
Was the ball in?
Or was the ball out
But if Hunt had only
Knocked it in
We would not have
All the arguing

[Biggus]

YOU CAN LEARN A LOT FROM TV

Fed up of missing his favourite shows on TV
Young Ben wanted was his own telly
“Could I have a telly in my room dad”?
Reluctantly Dad said yes to the lad
Ben stayed in his room the first night
Next morning he gave his parents a fright
He asked his them “what is love juice?”
His mother left making some feeble excuse
Leaving his Dad to explain the basics
Of sexual intercourse and its mechanics
The boy sat in open mouthed amazement
Dad asked him after his embarrassment
“Exactly what program did you have on?”
The boy replied "I was watching Wimbledon"

[Biggus]

PRIDE IN THE EAST (World Cup 2002 Korea and Japan)

Travelling east to play the game
Not thought to set the world aflame
Making friends while you’re away
Impressing with your football play
Pleasing critics with what they see
Though they call you England B
Well done the noble men in green
With Holland, Dunn and Robbie Keane
You’ve really done your country proud
Let them proudly sing your names aloud

[Biggus]

WHO PUT THE GER IN ANGER

Waves of Rangers blue
Relentlessly Attack
Wave upon wave
Push their opponents back

But this valiant effort
This Rangers blue tide
That moved with precision
Pushing opponents aside

Did not happen in the stadium
Nor was a ball at their feet
This game took place
On Manchesters city streets

The Waves of Rangers blue
With alcohol fuelled Fight
Brought to bear upon the police
Their vengeance and their spite

But if during the match
Such passion had been on show
Then the uefa cup
Might have gone to Glasgow

May 14th 2008
The events following the UEFA Cup final at the City of Manchester Stadium

[Biggus]

WINGLESS WONDERS

Wingless wonders they were named
As world cup winners they are famed
Gordon Banks, played in the goal
For Bobby Moore, the captains role
Cohen and Wilson at the back
The Charlton brothers, Bob and Jack
Martin Peters and Alan Ball
Nobby Stiles stood ten feet tall
Roger Hunt scores when he can
And Geoff Hurst the hat trick man
Sir Alf Ramsey teamed them up
And in 66 they won the cup

[Biggus]

SUMMER SEASON

The summer started oh so well
With a Euro football banquet
Though sadly the home nations
Were unable to attend it
But the Euros inevitably led
To the curse of footie nations
The summer transfer market
And the incessant speculation
After the Euros came Wimbledon
And I cheered on the plucky brit
Then suffered our inclement climate
While being bored by the Cricket
I watched the windblown whingers
Hacking round at the British open
Then courtesy of the highlights
I sat and watched it all again
Then more newspaper talk
Of who will stay and who will go
Who is in and who is out
And more stories about Ronaldo
Two weeks away on the costas
Helped to numb the pain
Then home to more paper talk
And of course more summer rain
Even the upcoming Olympics
Fail to give me inspiration
Thinking of all that track and field
Merely deepens my depression
The only thing to break my torpor
And to rejuvenated my heart
Is to hear that shrill whistle blow
And have the football season start

[Biggus]

TIMES UP

To my chest my
Hands I clasp
I deeply breathe
I wheeze and gasp
My temples throb
My mouth is dry
My heart beats fast
I’m going to die
My voice has gone
My throat is sore
My hands both shake
I can take no more
I lay my head
Upon my knee
Now blow the whistle
Referee

[Biggus]

WOKINGS WOES

After a dismal start to the season
Woking are slowest out the blocks
With two points from seven games
The crowd are angry to their socks
They have singled out a scapegoat
A target for their jeers and mocks
and they call the new striker “jigsaw”
Because he goes to pieces in the box

[Biggus]

THE PRIDE OF ENGLAND

Everyone full of national pride
The atmosphere was electrified
St George’s cross’s everywhere
As our Englishness we’d share
They didn’t win the cup out east
While serving up a football feast
They won new friends out there
And hearts of people everywhere
Bringing new pride to the nation
And deserving of our admiration

[Biggus]

HERR BECKENBAUR (World Cup 2002 Korea and Japan)

Oliver Khan the man of the hour
If you talk to Mr. Beckenbaur
But its different it would seem
When he’s talking of the German team
Because if you put them in a sack
And gave the sack a mighty whack
Whoever it was received the blow
Would in no doubt deserve it so

[Biggus]

WHO DOES HE SUPPORT?

“England are out what did you think?
What a free kick” he gave me a wink
“Those Brazilian’s are good though
Best team won don’t you think so?”
Now he wasn’t English that for certain
And he surely didn’t look Brazilian
Now there a clue a sardonic grin
He really must be of Celtic origin

[Biggus]

FOUR YEARS TIME

They said we’d never make the trip
Along came Sven to steer the ship
Injury time deep we win a free kick
Golden balls scores with the final kick
The group of death they put us in
They said that not a game you’ll win
Well we reached the quarterfinal
Losing to Brazilian’s inspirational
We will be back in four years time
To great new heights we will climb
Our place at the top we will regain
And we will win the world cup again

[Biggus]

ENGLAND COACH - CAPELLO

The new England supremo
Mr Fabio Capello
Plans to take the England team
And fulfill our football dream
To raise English spirits up
And win the next world cup
But it would seem
This is just a silly dream
As the only way Mr Capello
The poor deluded fellow
Will take a team as far
As the finals in South Africa
The only way he can deliver
Is as the German team coach driver

[Biggus]

TOP DOGS (World Cup 2002 Korea and Japan)

Korea have had a great world cup
They’ve beaten Italy with a golden goal
How will they celebrate the victory?
They’ll be eating dog tonight in Seoul