Every Day At The Beach

[~Sophia~]

for two hundred years she has
walked toward me

rack of Taino bones in a Maroon pot
Creole fusion with moonless skin
trailing a clubbed foot through
hot sand
poised heart
branded in a pale blue uniform -
a number inked across the breast

I hardly notice the inverted
wrist and paralyzed fingers
the swaddled papaya and pineapple on her head

descendant of slave winds and a plantation caste
the eyes behind her sable eyes still chained

- I buy the fruit
pay more than she asks but it’s not enough
to relieve my twitch so I write about you

I think about you Manon

[Virgil]

What an intriguing poem Sophia. I think it's very well done, the distinct imagery. The sound of the language is spot on. My only qualm is that this part of the poem lets down from the originality of what came before it:

- I buy the fruit
pay more than she asks but it’s not enough
to relieve my twitch so I write about you
You were at a high pitch (to use a musical metaphor) and then you brought it down to mundane tone. Is that the best way to end it? Perhaps so, perhaps not. It's hard to tell. Perhaps that's what you want, but I might have pushed for a more intersting conclusion. But I will say that what came before was excellent!! :)

[~Sophia~]

Hi Virgil. Thanks so very much for taking the time to comment. It is truly appreciated!

I'm so pleased you saw merit in the majority of the poem. The ending is meant to be flat, embarrassed, quiet. The way I feel each time I buy her fruit.

She is a real person and in the poem, representative of the thousands of Haitian refugees on the Dominican half of the island that struggle every day to make the equivalent of $3 U.S.

[Virgil]

Yes I'm afraid I know about the Haitian struggles. I understand your wish to end the poem in that manner. It is a very good poem. Thank you for sharing.

[~Sophia~]

Thank you Virgil. Poverty and despair seem to dominate my writing since moving to this island.

[jon1jt]

I agree with Virgil except that I interpret the high pitch to simmer in the last stanza, but in the way a car shifts down from 5th to 4th---the front end bucks up some and the engine roars in the grinding haltering of speed. The last part is actually my favorite---or it's my identification with your "twitch."

- I buy the fruit
pay more than she asks but it’s not enough
to relieve my twitch so I write about you

This poem reads like a rosetta stone---a bearing of language that harks back to some ancient land and people who danced under the fruit trees. Manon could be Mayan or Choctaw, or maybe Creole. To me, she's a song that stretches across a thousand thousand earths.

[~Sophia~]

To me, she's a song that stretches across a thousand thousand earths.

Now that is poetry! What a lovely message to wake up to. A thousand thousand thanks jon1jt!

[PrinceMyshkin]

I think the change in tone or level of poetic expression that some have commented on is well-prepared for by the intentionally low-keyed, prosaic tone of the opening two lines. You allow yourself (or have no choice but) to get carried into an empathetc imagining of her origins, then come back to the hard reality of her present and end with that absolutely unpretentious, humble, sincere last line.

D*mn good!

[~Sophia~]

Thank you Prince. As a newbie here I have certainly gotten a warm reception.

You've hit the nail on the head
You allow yourself (or have no choice but) to get carried into an empathetc. Thanks for the thoughtful critique!

[blp]

I like this a lot.

[~Sophia~]

Thanks blp. That means a lot!

[firefangled]

I think the tone at the end is right for what you are trying to do. I might have reversed the writing and thinking in the following fashion.

- I buy the fruit
pay more than she asks but it’s not enough
to relieve my twitch so I think about you Manon

and I write

[~Sophia~]

Thanks fire. It's a great suggestion and makes sense from a timeline perspective but,
I think I want to keep the order as is because, I think about her (and particularly all the children) even when I'm not writing. The whole Haitian situation just seems to live in my mind all the time. Thanks very much for taking the time. I respect your opinion immensely.

Stays With You


Firefly - when you pulse among the stumps of trees
sacrificed for cane, shacks and cooking fuel,
shine down the throat of starvation, illuminate the
mosquito crops of a rain soaked soil.

Chronicle the transparent children dying
in urinal city gutters. Their memories of
food, medicine, a home flowing in the
sluice of an angry voodoo morphing rice
to maggot - Manbo’s sons and daughters
into sewer rats and jackals.

Firefly - streak innocent on every cross. Collect
their little lives into a book of wilted poems
inscribed with apathy. Condemn throughout eternity
this pestilent infanticide, this gangrenous ignorance
festering three hundred thousand sores a year.
Call it Restaveck, call it Haiti.

_____________________________

If anyone is interested in finding out what the word Restaveck means, please go to www.haitianstreetkids.com

[PrinceMyshkin]

Apart from the general excellence of this and the many outstanding, hard-cutting lines, I remark on how quickly and unmistakeably you've manifested your singular voice!

Although none of the following in any way violate the tone or impact of the poem as a whole, yet they stand out for me:


Firefly - when you pulse among the stumps of trees
sacrificed for cane, shacks and cooking fuel,
shine down the throat of starvation

"shine down the throat of starvation"

My God!!!!!


Chronicle the transparent children dying
in urinal city gutters.

and


an angry voodoo morphing rice
to maggot

And, of course,


Call it Restaveck, call it Haiti.

_____________________________


If anyone is interested in finding out what the word Restaveck means, please go to www.haitianstreetkids.com

I did go and look. Thank you (I guess)

It's rare indeed that a poem is equally good as poetry and as a manifesto against infamy.

[~Sophia~]

Again, thank you. I'm not even sure how to respond to such a wonderful message except to be very humble and smile quite large with much gratitude. It is a disturbing site but how can that travesty be presented otherwise? Thanks for looking.