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a_little_wisp
02-09-2009, 05:19 AM
I was always - still am, actually - nervous about posting my poetry and short stories on the web.

However, I really, really want to have some real criticism.

I write poetry for fun, but I also wish to improve - feel free to tear the poetry up!

I'm Haleigh Woodlief, and it is wonderful to meet you all! I'll start with a few!
(Most of these, just to let you know, are songs. Sometimes, the tune came to me first, sometimes the words. They're probably not very good songs, but songs nonetheless.)

August

Let's dance our last,
Sweet August love,
We'll not see winter pass -
We fly to fields of endless spring
Where golden is the grass.

Take to the sky,
Sweet August love,
It's time to say goodbye-
No longer does our Mother's hearth
Burn for you and I.

But marked by wing,
Sweet August love,
Our songs were meant to ring!
Though on a gasp some go to death,
Those who've flown will sing.


Wait For Me
(Adienna's Song)

Wait for me when winter's passed
As earth lifts her white veil -
And underneath, her verdant blush
Blooms o'er her visage pale.

And I, in spring, will wait for you
Though off to wed am I -
Remember loves like ours can last
Beyond a flesh-bound tie.

"Here am I, adorned in chains,
With every hook and frill aligned,
My hollow vow rings 'round the altar
His fingers twine in mine -
I'm praying now, through wedding songs,
My wish will speed it's way to you -
To you, my love, my only love,
To whom my hopeful heart belongs..."

Wait for me as summer flies
And heat clouds sense from sight-
The rain that springtime brought last month
Did naught to ease my plight.

I plan to leave the one who forged
The bindings 'round my skin-
The wedding vow that holds me here
And tempts my soul to sin.

"Here am I, adorned for blood,
With desperation besting time -
My once proud heart is craven now
And tempts me to a crime-
Hoping that, in time, will fade
My shame to murder in love’s name -
For us, my love, my only love
I stain the steel of virtue’s blade ."


Alone am I, the curtain drops,
The game is up and played -
And you whom I had played it for
Has left our love to fade.

My sword has thrashed down every foe,
All those who held my key,
And now I've chained myself to fate-
My sins imprison me.

"Here am I, adorned for Hell,
With crown and kingdom at my feet,
And here I walk the road I've paved
To Judgment's weary street -
Should mercy come from Satan's mirth
And not from heaven’s light-
Your steps, my love, forever, love,
I’ll haunt upon this earth."

Wait for me when autumn's gold
When the earth has cast her chill,
And spirits walk upon her -
I'll be waiting for you still.

And I, so true, will search for you
Though long past dead am I -
Remember loves like ours can last
Beyond a flesh-bound tie.
---------------------------------------
Court of Many Wonders

Children, come,
At fairy's call
Leave the mortal world, forlorn.
I'll lead you down,
Deep down and down-
To where your fragile dreams are born.
To my court,
My seelie court,
Visions are brightest here;
To fairy's realm,
At fairy's call
Come dreamer, without fear!

By will o' wisp with lantern bright,
Deep in enchanted forest's night
Where human minds are led asunder-
Come to me, a Queen far under-
Led by pranks and pixie songs
To where your youthful soul belongs;
Far from the mournful cries of men,
Where even Death may find his end;
Where Life is but a whispered dream
And nothing is as it may seem-
Yes, here where laughter all but thunders
In my court of many wonders.
----------------------------------------

Dance

Come with me
And dance, my love,
Into a starlit sky-
The moon hangs high
Above us, love,
And spies on you and I.

As promising
As time will pass
I find your constancy-
And if you doubt,
Or fear you lack
Come dance again with me.

Virgil
02-09-2009, 08:27 AM
Very pretty Wisp. I don't have the time right now to get into detail, but if I remember to return to this when I'm not at work I'll try to give you more detailed comments. But in a quick read I see much to like. :)

PrinceMyshkin
02-09-2009, 12:10 PM
Haleigh, it seems you have poetic rhythm in your fingertips and in your blood! These are faultless examples of a certain kind of 19th c. poetry and if it's the only way you conceive your poems, then by all means carry on and you're most welcome here!

But I'm willing to bet that you could also make poems in language and metres that are closer to what you speak, with friends, with a lover, hell, even with the clerk at your neighbourhood supermarket. When you have found or fashioned your own voice, you might be surprised at what marvels will emerge. For now, however, bravo!

firefangled
02-09-2009, 12:41 PM
Wisp, I am in full agreement with Prince. You have a wonderful sense of not only rhyme and meter, but you are consistent with your language throughout these poems. This demostrates your control over the works.

It is good that you have the sense you have, because to make a departure into new territory (if and when you want to) it is essential to know what you are departing from, so you can be as true to new poetics as you are to those you have demostrated.

I enjoyed this music very much. I hope to see more.

a_little_wisp
02-09-2009, 04:22 PM
Thank you all so much!! Prince (Ah! I looove Dostoevsky!) and Firefangled (I really, really like that name) I actually have a few that I've tried out in my own... "voice", I guess. I will absolutely post them tomorrow or any time I get the chance. I suppose I'm a little nervous about those, but I'll give it a shot! Again, thank you!

blp
02-09-2009, 04:38 PM
Good stuff, Haleigh. I wonder how the songs sound. I imagine them being a little like Joanna Newsom.

PrinceMyshkin
02-09-2009, 04:45 PM
Thank you all so much!! Prince (Ah! I looove Dostoevsky!)

In which case you might be intrigued to know that on the other site where I post poems, my nom de plume is "Alyosha," and in a novel I wrote and set in what was then the USSR I created a character who was unabashedly based on those other two whom critics call "Holy Idiots," not that I flatter myself that I am of that ilk but I chose those pseudonyms as something to aim at
and Firefangled (I really, really like that name) I actually have a few that I've tried out in my own... "voice", I guess. I will absolutely post them tomorrow or any time I get the chance. I suppose I'm a little nervous about those, but I'll give it a shot! Again, thank you!

The day you stop being nervous about posting your poems - or even perhaps showing them to your friends - is the day you will have lost your ardour for this art (or privilege) of stripping your soul naked in front of your friends and possible adversaries!