Fathomless gold

[qimissung]

My scarlet heart is incandescent
The clement day exults in light
I kiss my love and feel his blessed touch.
The lily and the vine burst into limpid blossom,
And in dreary January grow the jasmine and the berry;
Plunder me with your touch, my darling lightsome one.
I plight thee my troth with plenary pipes,
Give fathomless gold to my beloved.

[firefangled]

And in dreary January grow the jasmine and the berry;
Plunder me with your touch, my darling lightsome one.



Love these lines, qimissung!

[PrinceMyshkin]

Astonishing how you could write this in what is virtually another language and have it sound so contemporary, or should I say timeless, and spontaneous. Lovely!

[qimissung]

Thank you, firefangled and Prince. As always, I am happy, slightly astonished, and honored when someone likes something I've written.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thank you, firefangled and Prince. As always, I am happy, slightly astonished, and honored when someone likes something I've written.

The reaction you describe is likely to happen when one writes out of one's deeper heart or for the preservation of one's soul rather than to impress others.

[qimissung]

For some reason I think this should be 10 lines instead of eight. I don't know why this bothers me and not the content. Any suggestions?

[PrinceMyshkin]

For some reason I think this should be 10 lines instead of eight. I don't know why this bothers me and not the content. Any suggestions?

Personally I don't think so but am not sure whether you are thinking to add two more lines or to break two of the previous ones in half?

As it stands now the relative brevity of the preceding seven lines serves to offset the leap of generosity in the last one, as if you'd been exercising a decorous restraint on your feelings until then - but just had to let go.

[qimissung]

Thank you for seeing something that I didn't see. Upon re-reading it this morning I thought it sounded O.K. Now I know I was just being, how shall I say it? Somewhat OCD, shall we say? :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thank you for seeing something that I didn't see. Upon re-reading it this morning I thought it sounded O.K. Now I know I was just being, how shall I say it? Somewhat OCD, shall we say? :)

Happy to hear about your reconsideration though not the OCD. Do you ever read your poems aloud? Alone or to a friend? What I sometimes find, with my favourites, is that after I've worked on them long enough, I can recite them by memory. The way they sound, the way the line-breaks read, is a great way to check on whether they work or not.

[qimissung]

I probably not rally OCD. However putting them away for awhile then reading them aloud is a very good idea. I read them aloud only occasionally, so that's something I'm going to add to my repoitoire. That and learning to trust myself. THAT might take awhile. Thanks for the input. It was helpful.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I probably not rally OCD. However putting them away for awhile then reading them aloud is a very good idea. I read them aloud only occasionally, so that's something I'm going to add to my repoitoire. That and learning to trust myself. THAT might take awhile. Thanks for the input. It was helpful.

Yes, learning to trust oneself is an indispnsable half of one's lifelong work, the other half of which is learning not to trust oneself too much!

[qimissung]

:lol: