writerofstories
02-01-2009, 12:09 AM
I'm new here, but not afraid of critical eyes...just as long as I receive ways to improve my writing...
Prologue
"Hello, old friend," He smiled, his hand in his pocket. The rim of his beige hat smothered his face in shadow. My mind raced. How had he found me? "It has been a very long time, has it not?" He asked softly. The wind rushed, carrying his words away. The night lacked the moon, and the stars were cold. "I trust you know why I'm here. The Trulidore key?" No! He took his hand out, and I stiffened, backing away. No! He advanced, gun trained on my chest. The wind blew off his hat, although the trench coat he wore did not stir. I knew my time was nearing. No! I laughed crazily, all traces of sanity gone. "You'll never have them, Artwin! Never, do you here me? Never!" I dug into my pocket, grabbing a small, ordinary piece of paper. Or so it seems. "Looks can be deceiving" I had been taught. It seemed so very long ago...
I let the paper blow away in the fierce wind, laughing, the wind blowing, tugging my hair into all directions. "Hah! Now what, Artwin? What can you do? He cursed, trying to snatch the paper. Eyes burning, thin lips drawn back into a sneer. "Fool." He whispered, and emptied his gun.
The bullets tore at my chest, but I did not care. The key was safe. Safe! I collapsed, watching my...my murderer. He smiled grimly. "I will find it, understand? It is not safe. Nothing is. Fool..." He turned and walked away. My hands scrabbled at the ground, but it was useless. I faded into the place of oblivion. Some knew it as Death. I knew it as sanctuary.
I might post Chapter One...but for now...help is appreciated.
Wow...I just realized how bad that was.
Prologue
"Hello, old friend," He smiled, his hand in his pocket. The rim of his beige hat smothered his face in shadow. My mind raced. How had he found me? "It has been a very long time, has it not?" He asked softly. The wind rushed, carrying his words away. The night lacked the moon, and the stars were cold. "I trust you know why I'm here. The Trulidore key?" No! He took his hand out, and I stiffened, backing away. No! He advanced, gun trained on my chest. The wind blew off his hat, although the trench coat he wore did not stir. I knew my time was nearing. No! I laughed crazily, all traces of sanity gone. "You'll never have them, Artwin! Never, do you here me? Never!" I dug into my pocket, grabbing a small, ordinary piece of paper. Or so it seems. "Looks can be deceiving" I had been taught. It seemed so very long ago...
I let the paper blow away in the fierce wind, laughing, the wind blowing, tugging my hair into all directions. "Hah! Now what, Artwin? What can you do? He cursed, trying to snatch the paper. Eyes burning, thin lips drawn back into a sneer. "Fool." He whispered, and emptied his gun.
The bullets tore at my chest, but I did not care. The key was safe. Safe! I collapsed, watching my...my murderer. He smiled grimly. "I will find it, understand? It is not safe. Nothing is. Fool..." He turned and walked away. My hands scrabbled at the ground, but it was useless. I faded into the place of oblivion. Some knew it as Death. I knew it as sanctuary.
I might post Chapter One...but for now...help is appreciated.
Wow...I just realized how bad that was.