SoonerSoul
01-31-2009, 09:20 AM
This is the first section of a short story i had to write for my english coarsework, in the detective or mystery genre, feedback is very welcome but please, make it useful.... were all freinds here.
PART 1
Looking out of the car window I see the evening flying by, urban streets and their occupants. I used to be like them, normal, dignified and most importantly, legitimate. I began looking on either side of me, to my fellow passengers, the burly police officers glared back, they weren’t particularly pretty, so I stuck with looking out the window. After some awkward minutes we arrive at our destination, the guy on my right kicked the door open and began crawling out, I felt a hand wrapping round my arm and it was pushing me towards the open door. Once out I straightened up and was once again manhandled toward the main entrance.
As we broke through the double doors at reception the icy middle aged woman behind the counter gave me a dagger-eyed look, her name badge told me she was called Tallulah, the only pretty thing about her, chairs were scattered with people sprawled out on them, waiting, they didn’t make eye contact, like I was some rabid animal. The corridor ahead felt like a cream passageway to hell, doors were opening and people swerving around us. Britney and Marcie still had a circulation stopping grip on my arms, taking me every step of the way. We turned right at a potted house plant and soon after that, another right. A deep red door towered over me and was pushed open by police person man handler on my left and we stepped inside.
The room was dark and cold, the floor I could see was bare concrete, “no expense spared for scum“, I chuckled to myself. I was manoeuvred one hundred and eighty degrees so I faced the door - and freedom - only to be pushed backwards into a surprisingly damp, hard chair.
I had been waiting at least two and a half hours since Suzy and Brenda left me here, rumbling off to god knows where, I knew that in a little while they would send somebody in to tell me what I’ve done this time, that would be fun at least. The door that barred against me suddenly opened, the light burned against my eyes, although I couldn’t bare to look, I wanted to see that face, the dark silhouette of the enemy. His shadow loomed over me as he hadn’t ventured into the darkness of my cage yet, I dared to stare into what I assumed were his eyes and held the contact, hoping I seemed defiant. I could see him, what he was, maybe he could read me just as easily, and so this contest of the eyes. My captor stepped inside and closed the door behind him. We were engulfed in darkness, just as darkness filled my heart.
Detective Lambast stirred, once, twice. In his barely conscious head he decided it best to awaken incase he disturbed last nights company, Lambast opened one eye and sound crept into his skull, all he could see was a ghostly white projected onto the hotel room wall, illuminating the cream coloured paint. The sound, a Nokia ring tone, his hand fumbled over the bedside table, finding the lamp and making it topple dangerously, once he recognised the smooth shape of his mobile, he picked it up. For a moment the detective stared accusingly at the night-wakers call, he only just had the set to his face for two seconds when suddenly “LAMBAST” exploded through the tiny speaker, the poor detective dropped it with surprise, he then rubbed his ears in pain and hastily picked it back up. The expression on his face turned from sleepy to nauseous as he listened to every one of the callers angry ranted words.
It was Lambasts boss. Chief Formwar is the commanding officer at the station where he works, the Chief managed to spit through the phone that his suspect had been caught and was being held for him to question, he should have been there, the chief told him that day he needed to stay there all night, seeing as they were likely to get a lead that night on the suspects location. Poor Lambast realised he turned the whole plan arse-up, as always, he then told The Detective if he wasn’t in Formwars office with his resignation he had to be interviewing the suspect within the hour. In his malicious brain he was tempted to tell the Chief he could get a better job if he gave up the ghost and resign over the phone, just to make Formwar turn that extra shade of purple most employees under his command try to avoid. Lambast got himself a cab and left the spring chicken in his hotel room to her own devices, he wondered whether he could trust her enough not to steal anything.
As the doors to the staff entrance crashed back behind him he realised he was in for an earful, the fact that everyone’s eyes burned when they looked at him only meant they were getting it taken out on them too. As he made his way across the floor pretending to look through texts on his nokia to avoid the awkward staring, He thought he’d better go see Formwar anyway, the detective needed to have a chat with him. As Lambast reached the steps up, his eyes wandered to bosses office, it looked like a clear rubix cube, Formwar probably wanted it designed that way so he could glare at Detective Elko - his minion - or anybody else that stepped out of line. .
There he was, crossed arms, stood straight and watching the worried detectives every move, he opened his office door and tapped his watch, “good morning Detective Lambast” was all he said.
As he descended the stairs out of Formwars office he felt the bosses eyes on his back, Lambast didn’t turn around just in case Formwar wanted to shout some more, The detectives eyes were on his shoes all the way to the interview rooms. He looked up at that red door he knew only too well, guarding the passage into the room he least wanted to be in, still, he pushed the door open and stared at the rotten life inside.
If people like this, i might continue it. So please give thoughts.
PART 1
Looking out of the car window I see the evening flying by, urban streets and their occupants. I used to be like them, normal, dignified and most importantly, legitimate. I began looking on either side of me, to my fellow passengers, the burly police officers glared back, they weren’t particularly pretty, so I stuck with looking out the window. After some awkward minutes we arrive at our destination, the guy on my right kicked the door open and began crawling out, I felt a hand wrapping round my arm and it was pushing me towards the open door. Once out I straightened up and was once again manhandled toward the main entrance.
As we broke through the double doors at reception the icy middle aged woman behind the counter gave me a dagger-eyed look, her name badge told me she was called Tallulah, the only pretty thing about her, chairs were scattered with people sprawled out on them, waiting, they didn’t make eye contact, like I was some rabid animal. The corridor ahead felt like a cream passageway to hell, doors were opening and people swerving around us. Britney and Marcie still had a circulation stopping grip on my arms, taking me every step of the way. We turned right at a potted house plant and soon after that, another right. A deep red door towered over me and was pushed open by police person man handler on my left and we stepped inside.
The room was dark and cold, the floor I could see was bare concrete, “no expense spared for scum“, I chuckled to myself. I was manoeuvred one hundred and eighty degrees so I faced the door - and freedom - only to be pushed backwards into a surprisingly damp, hard chair.
I had been waiting at least two and a half hours since Suzy and Brenda left me here, rumbling off to god knows where, I knew that in a little while they would send somebody in to tell me what I’ve done this time, that would be fun at least. The door that barred against me suddenly opened, the light burned against my eyes, although I couldn’t bare to look, I wanted to see that face, the dark silhouette of the enemy. His shadow loomed over me as he hadn’t ventured into the darkness of my cage yet, I dared to stare into what I assumed were his eyes and held the contact, hoping I seemed defiant. I could see him, what he was, maybe he could read me just as easily, and so this contest of the eyes. My captor stepped inside and closed the door behind him. We were engulfed in darkness, just as darkness filled my heart.
Detective Lambast stirred, once, twice. In his barely conscious head he decided it best to awaken incase he disturbed last nights company, Lambast opened one eye and sound crept into his skull, all he could see was a ghostly white projected onto the hotel room wall, illuminating the cream coloured paint. The sound, a Nokia ring tone, his hand fumbled over the bedside table, finding the lamp and making it topple dangerously, once he recognised the smooth shape of his mobile, he picked it up. For a moment the detective stared accusingly at the night-wakers call, he only just had the set to his face for two seconds when suddenly “LAMBAST” exploded through the tiny speaker, the poor detective dropped it with surprise, he then rubbed his ears in pain and hastily picked it back up. The expression on his face turned from sleepy to nauseous as he listened to every one of the callers angry ranted words.
It was Lambasts boss. Chief Formwar is the commanding officer at the station where he works, the Chief managed to spit through the phone that his suspect had been caught and was being held for him to question, he should have been there, the chief told him that day he needed to stay there all night, seeing as they were likely to get a lead that night on the suspects location. Poor Lambast realised he turned the whole plan arse-up, as always, he then told The Detective if he wasn’t in Formwars office with his resignation he had to be interviewing the suspect within the hour. In his malicious brain he was tempted to tell the Chief he could get a better job if he gave up the ghost and resign over the phone, just to make Formwar turn that extra shade of purple most employees under his command try to avoid. Lambast got himself a cab and left the spring chicken in his hotel room to her own devices, he wondered whether he could trust her enough not to steal anything.
As the doors to the staff entrance crashed back behind him he realised he was in for an earful, the fact that everyone’s eyes burned when they looked at him only meant they were getting it taken out on them too. As he made his way across the floor pretending to look through texts on his nokia to avoid the awkward staring, He thought he’d better go see Formwar anyway, the detective needed to have a chat with him. As Lambast reached the steps up, his eyes wandered to bosses office, it looked like a clear rubix cube, Formwar probably wanted it designed that way so he could glare at Detective Elko - his minion - or anybody else that stepped out of line. .
There he was, crossed arms, stood straight and watching the worried detectives every move, he opened his office door and tapped his watch, “good morning Detective Lambast” was all he said.
As he descended the stairs out of Formwars office he felt the bosses eyes on his back, Lambast didn’t turn around just in case Formwar wanted to shout some more, The detectives eyes were on his shoes all the way to the interview rooms. He looked up at that red door he knew only too well, guarding the passage into the room he least wanted to be in, still, he pushed the door open and stared at the rotten life inside.
If people like this, i might continue it. So please give thoughts.