Can I have the attention?

[rimbaud]

so this is one of the poems I wrote, doesn't have a name but If you think you have one... I just couldn't name it.
here it is
feel free to write what you think

______________________________

Leave and come back,
Be lost and then be found,
You shall die to be reborn,
One must be silent to hear a sound.

Will you come with me if I choose to go?
This land is not for us.
Since kids- I recall
-Always greener was the other grass.

My spirit! My soul!
-It rises to places my body can’t.
My mind is figuring a way out
-Follow the path, follow the scent!

And so I’ll go.
I’ll scream and I’ll run!
My soul will never wear off
Forever, I shall follow the sun!

[blp]

I like it. No suggestions for a title or anything else.

[conartist]

Can't say that I'm a huge fan. If nothing else, please at least change this:

'Since kids- I recall
-Always greener was the other grass.'

I don't think a poem can ever work if it's relying on even one restructured cliche. The idea behind this is nice, but some of the phrasing definitely needs to be reworked.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Amongst other things there is a massive disunity of tone in the poem, read the first and third stanzas, the "voice" of the poem doesn't match, it's not consistent at all.

[qimissung]

I like the images you present. I think the 'grass is always greener' does need a little re-working.

[rimbaud]

And so I salute you,
For the things you have taught me so well
Such as turning water into wine,
And laughing in the face of the devil himself.

[rimbaud]

and tnx everyone that comented