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JBrower
01-30-2009, 02:12 PM
Jesus and the Butter Pat

I see the face of Jesus in my toast,
And wonder why prophets are in the bread,
That sat cold, a little stale, in the mini-fridge.

An omen?
No, probably not,
No divine being would waste their time,
With placing an edible message
On my breakfast plate,
As another day at school awaits.


A Love Rebellion

With one smooth strum of the strings
his black Stratocaster screamed like Hendrix’s,
an arpeggiating electric stream of sound
that swirled, and twirled,
through smoky summer skies.

Sunlight shown over bandshells,
throughout peacefully protested patriotism
that consumed the Nation’s Youth,
bedecked, as they were,
in grungy many-colored cotton
and tight jeans that flared out to swallow
the sadness that Clapton might say
could be inspired by the denim itself.

Gruff vocals escaped the alcohol-soaked,
cigarette-smoked throats of prophetic anti-angels
that caterwauled messages of peace, love, protest
to a (chemically biased) accepting crowd
of disillusioned, draftable, twentysomethings
that stood, sat, or piggybacked for days
over muddy farmland scented with
the sickly sweet smell of rebellion.

Words that would find the single lonely soul
in the crowd that wasn’t getting off,
find him, understand him, and make him get off,
an aural orgy set to soulful tones
of philosophers and musical savants
so inebriated they slipped into occasional catatonia.

And where are they now,
the prophets of smoke, sex, and melody?
Dead, dying, aged beyond their years,
fallen into the pop-culture abyss now filled
with hip-hop beats, misogyny, and murder,
rather than music or marijuana.

Some, like Mick and his boys,
hold strong in their hedonistic excess,
the hubris of celebrity deep in their veins,
to the point where their relevance is
secondary to living memories of
singing songs and tumbling from palms,
except on those rare occasions when
an aging rockstar can’t get no satisfaction.

TheFifthElement
01-30-2009, 02:49 PM
Hey J! I enjoyed both of these, kind of quirky side-slanted. Interesting. You kind of lost me a little in the middle of A Love Rebellion but maybe that's nothing to do with the poem; I'm a little tired tonight. Or maybe it's the preponderance of 'that' in the third stanza.

I'll read it again in the morning, when my brain works.

Virgil will enjoy the Stones reference ;)

Jesus and the Butter Pat made me smile.

Welcome to Lit-net, by the way. Hope to see more from you.

PrinceMyshkin
01-30-2009, 03:50 PM
I agree with the5th's suggestion that "A Love Rebellion" might be overstuffed and myself feel that too many images - especially ones as strong as yours - can sometimes submerge the essence of the poem. There were many elements in it however that I admired a great deal. I also admire your ability to go from the pithiness of the Jesus/Butter Pat poem to the longer more complex one.

JBrower
01-30-2009, 04:10 PM
thanks for the feedback and kind words.

i wrote both of those poems last year, in my senior year of high school. jesus and the butter pat was just something that came to me, and "A Love Rebellion" was an assignment to portray a decade in writing. I actually wrote it, almost verbatim, while waiting to get out of an AP test. I wrote it on one of those little translucent sheets that stickers come off of, as small as i could to make it fit

i digress, though. i appreciate feedback, because although i am a creative writing major, i dabble mostly in essays and short fiction, and generally consider myself an atrocious poet, even compared to other 18 year olds. Which is OK, because poetry is not my main interest, but I love words, and I love the increased artistry of poetry, so I like to experiment and try to improve my abilities.

So, thanks.

qimissung
01-31-2009, 10:45 AM
These are good. "Jesus and the butter pat" makes me laugh. I love the title. It's rather sweet, really, poking gentle fun at those who see a sacred image in a potato chip. And your second poem DOES sum up that decade with some beautiful, strong, decadent images. Rock on!