The Beachball

[Helga]

This isn't finished and I don't even like it. But the last sentence dropped into my head I don't remember if I heard it or something but I love it. So I wanted to share it. It's still has some errors so don't be to hard on me for my spelling.

Love can go so far beyond
ones death.
He still is in my heart
I love him only.
He's buried inside my soul
and there he will be.
He died when I was in
the other room.
We wanted to stay at the beach
and wait his doom.
It came to soon.
He blew up the beachball
and then he fell.
He landed on the floor
didn't yell for help.
I came into the room
and saw his doom.
I threw everything out
him, didn't want to think about.

The beachball is still
in my closet.
I keep it locked
but I can feel it.

It still has his breath

[mono]

How touching, Helga. I know not why you dislike this particular work, but I find it one of your most heart-felt; I agree, however, that the last line wraps up the whole poem very well in summary. Your work never ceases to amaze me. ;)

[Helga]

your sweet mono, thanks

[Isagel]

I think the last lines are splendid. They are poetry and perfect by themselves. If you where to just write them down, like this:

the beachball is still
in my closet.
I keep it locked
but I can feel it.

It still has his breath

I think it would still be a poem of longing for someone, and love beyond death. I also think I like your poetry more when you do not rhyme - but that is my taste, so just ignore iot if you really like to rhyme. I wonder what would happen if you tried to explore more experimental ways of writing poetry. I think you would do great.

[amuse]

i can so imagine keeping it locked up, as if by preserving his breath you could preserve him...i heard of something like this once, it touches me now as it touched me then.

[Avalive]

I think the last lines are splendid. They are poetry and perfect by themselves. If you where to just write them down, like this:

the beachball is still
in my closet.
I keep it locked
but I can feel it.

It still has his breath

I think it would still be a poem of longing for someone, and love beyond death. I also think I like your poetry more when you do not rhyme - but that is my taste, so just ignore iot if you really like to rhyme. I wonder what would happen if you tried to explore more experimental ways of writing poetry. I think you would do great.


Agreed.

It still has his breath.........I love this line a lot

[Helga]

thanks, I know this line is very thouching, I wish I could say I thought it myself but I think I heard it somewere, I just don't know where... I'm not thatgood to think of something like this, I at least don't think so. maybe I did, I don't know so I'll shut up.