Rusty Knight

[Makai]

Rusty Knight in iron armor,
metal not encompassing you~
defining your yearnings.

Unveiling echoes
of all that was and will be,
into a tin can...

Taut string
stretches vibrating vows,
kindling maple~syrup morning.

Crowned with laurel
she breathes you in;
between one moment
and eternity, instructs fate.

Her lashes sweeping stars
around the universe,
into dustpan sun's
incandescent paean.

Elements of ecstasy
illuminates her eyes;
capturing a hint of iron,
surrounding her only
Rusty Knight

[PrinceMyshkin]

I had trouble locating and following a linear movement through this. The images seemed incompatible with each other, e.g.


Rusty Knight in iron armor....
Taunt You surely mean "taut" here?string...

maple~syrup morning.

Crowned with laurel
....dustpan sun's
incandescent paean.



I couldn't find anything organic between the rusty knight, the string, the maple-syrup (!!!), the laurel and the duspan sun....

[Makai]

I suppose it would be impossible to speak to everyone all the time. This is more a metaphoric take on lost love, longing for what is gone but not gone inside.

[Pendragon]

I liked these lines;

she breathes you in;
between one moment
and eternity, instructs fate.

But I agree with Prince, hard to join the poem

[Makai]

Well I do appreciate all the constructive advice, live and learn my friends.