Please tell me what you think...be honest.

[MissyRobbins]

I watch as the blood pools at my feet.
I watch as the light fades from his eyes.
I listen to his last breath leave on a sigh.
I look up to see the blue skies.
I wonder why it is that I don’t feel a thing.
I wonder at the hollowness that’s filling my being.
I wait for the pain I know I should feel.
I wait for the sadness for the life that I steal.

All I feel is a great relief,
As I run away like a thief.
All I want is a sence of piece,
As I feel my panic start to release.

I fall to the ground with a cry of dispair.
I scream to the heavens; “why is life so unfair?”.
I sit with my face turned up to the sky.
I feel a piece of my soul die.

[jekan blazer]

wow.... what a dark poem. not saying it isnt good, it's a powerful piece but it's, very good.... keep writing

[PrinceMyshkin]

It's certainly filled with vivid, impassioned lines... but I felt unable to give myself fully to it because of an inability to guess at the situation.

[jon1jt]

Monotone, tinny, and predictable.

[Makai]

I watch as the blood pools at my feet.
I watch as the light fades from his eyes.
I listen to his last breath leave on a sigh.
I look up to see the blue skies.
I wonder why it is that I don’t feel a thing.
I wonder at the hollowness that’s filling my being.
I wait for the pain I know I should feel.
I wait for the sadness for the life that I steal.

All I feel is a great relief,
As I run away like a thief.
All I want is a sence of piece,
As I feel my panic start to release.

I fall to the ground with a cry of dispair.
I scream to the heavens; “why is life so unfair?”.
I sit with my face turned up to the sky.
I feel a piece of my soul die.


You have penned a powerful poem, but have made yourself the focus which takes away some from the subject do you know what I mean? You have some strong feelings you are expressing yet the poem is about you.

Better to let me show you if you will permit:

Watch as the blood pools at my feet.
Watch as the light fades from his eyes,
listen to his last breath leave on a sigh.
Look up to see the blue skies,
wonder why it is that I don’t feel a thing.
Wonder at the hollowness that’s filling my being.
Wait for the pain I know I should feel.
Wait for the sadness for the life that I steal.

All I feel is a great relief,
I run away like a thief.
All I want is a sense of peace,
I feel my panic start to release.

I fall to the ground with a cry of despair.
scream to the heavens; “why is life so unfair?”.
sit with my face turned up to the sky.
Feel a piece of my soul die.

[amanda_isabel]

um.. is the "I" a vampire?
*must be my hangover :)

[MissyRobbins]

Thank you for your insight it's very helpful.

[Veva]

A very good poem but I second that "I" thing, do not use it so much... but it was great. still

[Pendragon]

Dark poem with images I would rather not look too closely into.