poetry

[Il Penseroso]

placid envelope of sky
between hurricane teeth
opening, the fugitive eye

of light, luminous strip
casting shade and memory,
poetry, the maudlin cry of clouds --

wind tears itself across
a heresy of sky,
weaving strands, translucent

gold, her hair when she stands
near flame, above the light,
flickering without a name

[PrinceMyshkin]

Among so many magnificent images, this in particular


poetry, the maudlin cry of clouds --


stood out for me. Thank you.

[Pendragon]

Amazing personification! :thumbs_up

[firefangled]

I liked all the images you paint here, IP. I especially loved this one.





wind tears itself across
a heresy of sky,
weaving strands, translucent

[Il Penseroso]

PM,
thanks. I was a little iffy on those lines myself, glad to see you liked them.

Pen,
Thanks for the encouragement!

fire,
Those are probably my favorite lines in it as well.


Thanks for reading!

[jon1jt]

I think this poem is representative of your writing as a whole---a parade of absolutely beautiful, absolutely stunning images that lack a poem. What I see are image fragments.

The main problem for me is how you strive to load up each line. I see overload, in the sense that the lines become so potent that by the end they blur as much as the imagery does. For example, I asked myself at the end, what is supposed to be the woman?

Last point. The line with "poetry" states the obvious. I see that stunning one-of-a-kind poetry, but again, not a poem.

[Il Penseroso]

Praise, sort of? :)

Actually, I really appreciate your thoughts. In the end though, you're not supposed to know who the woman is. That's sort of my point.

The poem's also reprentative of my interests in poetry, and literature in general; I like what's understated (for meaning), taking beautiful language and allowing it to be a way for the reader to think actively about a subject without being beat over the head with the writer's personality or intentions. I like a loose flow that gets the reader involved in the creation process.

That said, subject's always been a ***** for me.

[Riesa]

I have a difficult time with “placid envelope of sky” I might do better with placid envelopment of sky. What am I missing of your intended image, IP?

The rest I find gorgeous, typical of your quiet demonstration of nature melding with thoughts, transforming all into a vision of beauty just out of reach, like a child climbing a night tree to get closer to the moon. A sense of poetry being untouchable, but just as heartbreakingly beautiful as the light that transforms her hair.

That’s just my reading though, maybe I tweak it to please myself. :D

[Il Penseroso]

placid envelope of sky:

[photo removed - "pray that what you lack does not distract"]

not my picture, btw

It's basically just supposed to be an opening, with a suggestion of "message" type things, leading to thoughts of poetry and such.

The stream of light at the end is then compared to a visual image of light in her hair.

Make more sense?

probably not...

[Il Penseroso]

Thank you for your very beautiful reading; sounds spot on to me!

[Riesa]

nice picture.

and okay, makes perfect sense to me now, I was just being dumb. and you're welcome.

[qimissung]

I like the poem, and the beautiful string of images. It reminds me of the imagists (did I get that right?). It was all very mysterious...I like the last stanza the best, and that the image starts in the stanza before it.

[Virgil]

I must admit that the hurricane teeth image had stalled me from reading further until now. For some reason that seemed odd stilted for me. But the rest of the poem is very good. I liked it quite a bit. Besides the line that Prince quoted, I really liked the closing stanza:

gold, her hair when she stands
near flame, above the light,
flickering without a name