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View Full Version : A poem I wrote at nightv- please critique



TowersofSilence
01-22-2009, 07:39 AM
Human Nature


In Natures womb
In lead and steel
Did i decree
That no force on earth
Could withstand the will nor force
of me

And thus did vicious cycles begin
Which lasted long until no voyager eye could see
And fathom not,
The deepest, blackest dark
That would eventually engulf me

When standing on yon precipice,
Doth tipping point ayearn,
Turning back I from ugly technology
Did voyage, I did, to all corners of the globe
To satisfy the whimy of my body,
And succomb to these demands I did indeed

Nature so mirth in growth and life,
Soil so rich in colour,
Sky as clear as sad blue crystal
Reminiscent of lovers departing at sea
Did i set foot in Xanadu?
Wild water did there flow
Down past mountain lands edge
Into sea did it flow
Life so vibrant, a shame that it must go
To fuel the new age of I,
My sin, my curse,
To consume such deep remedies

Replace the green overgrowth with
Mighty dull cement,
To build up on a new Xanadu
That i may rest upon
And in all corners of the globe did I go,
To smear the land with
Madmans visions, dreams of
Self rightousness did show,
Did pollute the cryustal air,
Now warm breezes do not blow,
Instead replaced with toxic fumes
Lung charing, now blow

Yet i came upon a levianth,
A behemoth besetowed with love,
And beauty it did show,
Only whence all trees where felled,
Waterways dreind and junglkes tamed,
nature barren,

In all of my history,
From all corners of the globe,
Did nature succomb to feed my whims,
So surely the present is not so?
I stumble to a halt

Atop the largest mountain
Atop destroyed asphalt
Grazed knees, bloodied and wounded
Did i knelt, tired and scared and anxious,
Of what now nature delt

For with all the unatural trachery
That I, mankind, dealth, did nature wait and brood
Though maimed and broken and beaten, still breath did it so
Waiting for a moment such as now, to unleash inhumane ferocity
Across a rocky spire,
Atop a rocky mount,
With views unrivalved by the heavens,
Did i watch the punches roll out,
Winds cold and sharp as ice,
Whistled past from no where

Fire burned below and all round,
As hell silently churned
Did the crations of madmen,
And stell and metal fall
My nature I watched be destroyed
In silent parody
Its once might now equal to that of a toy,
Noise,
The bells of hell,
From the remains of my ruined realm,
Did wail
Selling out the death toll

And here I hang from my precipice,
Natures born hell my catalyst
To repent and start a new,
But only would a God of Gods,
Have pity on my wretch soul

PrinceMyshkin
01-22-2009, 10:22 AM
Interesting visions and evocations. I for one however might have appreciated it more if it had been written in a more contemporary voice rather than being, as it were, in costume.

TowersofSilence
01-22-2009, 05:55 PM
Thankyou for your comment, it is appreciated. I'll take this into consideration for future poems.