Broken Faith

[Makai]

Does it mater if feminine sisterhood
conveniently fades away?

Flinching beggars
scattered by gravity~
chasing one angry man
to apologize for nothing.

Attitudes are figures of speech
and carry real authority.
Twisting, turning allusions
until they shout out things
that were never said or meant.

Remember freedom?
Of not biting your tongue
until it bleeds broken words
into honeyed mouths.

Hush now, don't say any more.
Rocking boats tip and spill,
and boat rockers should sit still
wrapped tight in Golden Rules.

Who's going to give a damn,
will any cry absolution?
For rebel women hanging
on bare branched crossroads,
silently sculpting the wind.

[PrinceMyshkin]

My God, there are some MURDER lines in this:


Does it mater if feminine sisterhood
conveniently fades away?

Flinching beggars
scattered by gravity~

and


Attitudes are figures of speech

and



Who's going to give a damn,
will any cry absolution?
For rebel women hanging
on bare branched crossroads,
silently sculpting the wind.

Looking back on your oeuvre thus far, it seems to me you are getting more and more confident in what you will take on and more and more fluent in what you then do with it.

[cogs]

totally agree with above, and:
"Remember freedom?/Of not biting your tongue/until it bleeds broken words/into honeyed mouths."
wow. there are very small portions which could be tightened, but overall great work!

[Makai]

Prince you know what a late starter I am, how new a poet. I would hope I am getting stronger and I thank you for always supporting my poor efforts.

[Makai]

cogs, can I adopt you now? Really thank you so very much for your input.

[Delta40]

I don't think I study words enough. I'm sorry I don't appreciate your energy enough. Perhaps I am an angry contained feminist. I'm new to reading poetry and am doing my best to give it an audience or significant relevance. This sounds like it has something powerful within. I hope you understand the lay persons critique.

[Makai]

Without different readers poetry is simply muttering to oneself. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

This was something that bothered me when it happened and for weeks after. I actually felt much better once I wrote this.

Basically a group of women were laughing and playing around until this lone male got very offended by our humor. He started lashing out verbally and pouting. The other women dropped everything to apologize profusely only to be ignored by him.

The whole thing sat wrong with me, there is more but I'll resist writing a novel in the poetry forum.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I don't think I study words enough. I'm sorry I don't appreciate your energy enough. Perhaps I am an angry contained feminist. I'm new to reading poetry and am doing my best to give it an audience or significant relevance. This sounds like it has something powerful within. I hope you understand the lay persons critique.

True, some of us write principally for our fellow poets or critics, seeking approval or admiration, but I for one write for "lay people" because after all, to some degree or other and in some very meaningful way we are all lay people.

[Makai]

Morning Prince, I have to say that I actually wrote this one for myself. I just wasn't getting over it, writing this helped as a form of therapy. It's why this has teeth.

It all depends what my target is how I write something. If it is a contest then I write to the prompt and specifications of the contest. That is why some of my stuff is more formal and formed.

Free verse is my favorite.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Free verse is my favorite.


Yes!


Free verse

Free verse
from the rigours of ideology,
the pursed aesthetics
of drystick schoolmasters
or their rebellious students
who use fuggchitpiss
as freely and with as much conviction
of originality as their elders
once used the melancholy moon
or the pale gentian
of the sheltering sky.

Free verse!
Let it run! Let it romp! Let it breathe!
If I might paraphrase
Diderot: When the last iambic pentameter
has been blotted out by the last
fuggchitpiss and that
has run its tawdry course
then we,
and verse,
at last may be free!

[cogs]

aint it all about freedom? lol... that guy who 'inspired' you to write, was a butthead. would have made me write about narcissism. too bad he cannot be freed. and about free verse, gah, what else is there? lol... freedom! (will braveheart ever be forgotten?)

[Makai]

Prince you crack me up, great poem!

cogs what disappointed me the most was how my friends so quickly became caretakers for his feelings as soon as he started lashing out, when all we did was laugh about a picture of John Wayne in cowboy togs and tons of makeup. Apparently we stepped on some iconic cowboy toes...

BTW I posted the poem first where they all could see it.

[Delta40]

Do you mean the reader 'owns' the feelings of another writer once they read it? What I mean to say is - as if it were their own expression as if they had given their insides a voice?

[Makai]

I'm not sure if I would put it that way but I do think if a poem really reaches a reader than it is because it touches something in their own experience and/or expresses feelings for the reader in a way that really appeals to them.

So in a way I guess it can give the reader a voice.

[Delta40]

Mmm well I think what you say is valid. I wonder what unique part of ourselves we add to it before it becomes our own. What would it be had I never cast my eyes upon its verse....

[Makai]

Passion is the most unique feeling to add when I write something. It makes me feel as if I am flying, singing a Capella. I can barely carry a tune in a bucket yet with poetry I can sing.

[cogs]

amen to that... it's an artform. when it strikes a chord with the reader, that's the best part to me, cause we can see the artful way of expressing our reality.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Do you mean the reader 'owns' the feelings of another writer once they read it? What I mean to say is - as if it were their own expression as if they had given their insides a voice?

Interesting speculation, to which I would reply: Each reader makes the poem she needs out of what she reads. It would be surprising if a reader got exactly and only what a writer intended. It's always to a certain extent a collaborative effort and the writer of genius is, perhaps, the who is best at reading her future readers' minds.

[Riesa]

powerful!


For rebel women hanging
on bare branched crossroads,
silently sculpting the wind.

very nice.

[Makai]

I have to agree with you Prince, very good take.


Reisa, I very much appreciate your kudos, thank you.

[weltanschauung]

very nice, makai. really.

[Delta40]

No. I don't want to read the mind of my future audience. It limits me in my own capacity as a writer. but I guess you mean 'connect'. I wonder what 'value' other people give simply because my experience is not that of another's - it doesn't translate into the same thing. So it must be for the writer. I don't want to anticipate too much or else I will find myself looking into a sea of faces which reflect my own depths.

[PrinceMyshkin]

No. I don't want to read the mind of my future audience. It limits me in my own capacity as a writer. but I guess you mean 'connect'. I wonder what 'value' other people give simply because my experience is not that of another's - it doesn't translate into the same thing. So it must be for the writer. I don't want to anticipate too much or else I will find myself looking into a sea of faces which reflect my own depths.

I don't in the least mean to suggest that one try consciously to anticipate the mind of one's possible reader(s), unless of course the poem is written to & for one specific person as in a love poem or a how could you! one but rather that we have a generalized notion in our minds of a collective mind out there, the sort of people, perhaps, whose friendship we desire or conversely who offend us one way or another.

[firefangled]

This is one of the best poems I have ever read of yours, Makai. And I feel the same as those who have already commented. There are so many gut punching lines. Although I have my favorites, I wouldn't want to say so as not to diminish the others.

The forth section is my least favorite, probably because it is surrounded by the power of the others. It sinks a little.

Good writing.

[Makai]

weltanschauung, thank you

Delta40 & Prince, poetry is such a personal journey, each poet writing from a place within, midwifing children of the mind to grace pages set out for others to contemplate.

There tend to be subtle and not so subtle signature styles and themes that develop for poets as they evolve and explore.

If poems were not meant to have audiences then they would be diaries with a do not disturb sign on them. Poetry is like standing naked on a hill arms open to the universe.

I know Prince, he has an endless fascination with people, their quirks and actions. He shares himself unreservedly basking in exposing his innermost self and striving for truth. If he were forced into isolation, never to have those connections he would self combust.

Delta40 I am only now growing to know you and appreciate very much that you are posting here. I feel you might be a poet with a fairly private nature. The differences between you two create an interesting and revealing dialog.

Thank you both

[Makai]

This is one of the best poems I have ever read of yours, Makai. And I feel the same as those who have already commented. There are so many gut punching lines. Although I have my favorites, I wouldn't want to say so as not to diminish the others.

The forth section is my least favorite, probably because it is surrounded by the power of the others. It sinks a little.

Good writing.

Yes the forth section does sink, since this poem was an actual event that was bugging the hell out of me for a couple of weeks that part was where all were wanting me to get over and get on with making nice, asking for me to be a Madonna when I was feeling much more Madgaline.

The rest of the poem is Madgaline unchained and my true feelings.

Thank you for your input firefangled, I love your work and am honored you posed here.

[PrinceMyshkin]

weltanschauung, thank you

Delta40 & Prince, poetry is such a personal journey, each poet writing from a place within, midwifing children of the mind to grace pages set out for others to contemplate.

There tend to be subtle and not so subtle signature styles and themes that develop for poets as they evolve and explore.

If poems were not meant to have audiences then they would be diaries with a do not disturb sign on them. Poetry is like standing naked on a hill arms open to the universe.

I know Prince, he has an endless fascination with people, their quirks and actions. He shares himself unreservedly basking in exposing his innermost self and striving for truth. If he were forced into isolation, never to have those connections he would self combust.

Delta40 I am only now growing to know you and appreciate very much that you are posting here. I feel you might be a poet with a fairly private nature. The differences between you two create an interesting and revealing dialog.

Thank you both

I love it that you are turning this into a symposium between the three of us!

[Makai]

I love it that you are turning this into a symposium between the three of us!

LOL you would my Prince, you would. :)

[cogs]

i do anticipate the thoughts of my readers to an extent that if i think they won't understand something, or will be offended, i transition and/or omit. my other poem called 'delivered?' was not about stillbirth, but that's what it sounded like, so i was careful to leave out that word, in case it brought bad feelings, that i didn't intend to invoke. (it was about going nowhere in life). but enough about me... how can i 'move' you?