The Man on the Moon and Other Nonsense

[Dark Muse]

The Man on the Moon and Other Nonsense

Who decided first
that hearts must be given the
cute little shape
of two crescents melded together
it is such a disappointment
to discover, this really is nothing
how it looks at all

But I suppose a mass
of bloody tissue about
the size of a fist
would not look very good
on a valentines day card
but at least that would be
the truth.

Why do we call starfish
starfish
when stars look nothing like that at all,
we invented the shape
and gave it a name
but starfish look nothing like stars
they do not resemble bodiless
burning gasses
for all we know, they do not
resemble anything at all.

Why must the sun
always be smiling
it really hasn't got a face at all
and if it did, do we suppose
it really would be happy all the time?

There is a fish called a sunfish
that really doesn't look anything like the sun at all
but it is a giant floating head,
perhaps it smiles.

Who is the man on the moon?
Is that suppose to make me feel better at night?
To think there is someone up there always watching?
Is it suppose to be comforting to know there is no privacy
What is so charming, about a giant floating head
in the sky?

[Virgil]

:lol: That was a fun read Muse. I enjoyed it. :) Sorry for the smilie, but that's the floating head i had around here. ;)

[Dark Muse]

LOL glad you enjoyed it

[blp]

This is just excellent.

Some clear nits, however:

'...this really is nothing how it looks at all.' is not ungrammatical. EDIT: not grammatical I mean, obviously. Who am I? It would need to be either '...this really is nothing to do with how it looks at all' or, more simply and elegantly 'this really is not how it looks at all.'

'What is so charming, about a giant floating head...' You don't need the comma here. Punctuation's all over the place in this, mostly absent, commas, question marks and full stops missing at every turn. It's not that important, but might be good to try to be consistent.

Other than that, more ambiguously, I think 'at all' is overused here. The flow of it for me would be better if you found other ways to put it as you went along. For instance,

'...when stars look nothing like that at all' would seem to me to work better just as '...when stars look nothing like them.'

I also think you could jiggle the final strophe a little to sort of smooth it out a bit.

'Is it suppose to be comforting to know there is no privacy'

Is awkward. Would read better, I feel,

Is it suppose to be comforting knowing
there is no privacy'

But overall, even prior to any cleanup you might or might not do, the tone, flow and rhythm of it is superb and I love it finishing up on a giant floating head.

[Dark Muse]

Thank you very much for your comments and suggestions.

[cogs]

i think you have alot of poems in one here. i can see how you think and speak through this. the valentine part and the privacy part are funny to me. and why is a dog not hot?