Portrait of the Artist as a Poem

[PrinceMyshkin]

Sometimes, beyond the arrangement
of a string of words
made to resemble a poem
or a plea for clemency,
you can see the character
of a particular mind,
the heft and tone of it,
the cross-hatch of injuries
received or imagined,
the hopes betrayed,
the promises
that have yet to be fulfilled...

[cogs]

i see you have music and drawing... when you wrote 'character', i thought you would add acting as well...this was good: 'the cross-hatch of injuries
received or imagined,' lol you see poems within poems

[Virgil]

Pretty. I like it. And don't be hard on yourself. We're human. Of all the lines in there, "made to resemble a poem" strikes me as most powerful.

[blp]

Very nice, though I could easily imagine it expanding. 'a poem/or a plea for clemency'? Are those the only options? If so, is there more to say about that?

[PrinceMyshkin]

Pretty. I like it. And don't be hard on yourself. We're human. Of all the lines in there, "made to resemble a poem" strikes me as most powerful.

I've been accused before of being hard on myself, to which my half-facetious retort is Somebody has to be!

[PrinceMyshkin]

Very nice, though I could easily imagine it expanding. 'a poem/or a plea for clemency'? Are those the only options? If so, is there more to say about that?

The question of expanding it is one I grappled with. The first 10 lines came spontaneously, and excited me. I could see though that they were in the nature of a set-up for the meat that had yet to be served, but what did I want to say about or in addition to what I'd already said? It would need to have the same feeling of immediacy and spontaneity and yet my fear was that anything more would just be commentary, what I would sometimes describe to my students as tucking the baby into bed or Steering the boat back into the harbour...

Finally, the last two lines or line and a half were in the nature of a surrender, an admission of defeat - in essence turning the 'poem' into a biography of the process of writing - or failing to write - it.

And "plea for clemency" was offered as an alternative to "poem" in the hope that these might be seen to cover the spectrum of human utterance, from a hopeful offering, an assertion of selfness, in the form of a poem, to an act of contrition in the face of having nothing or too little to offer.

[symphony]

The beauty of short poems is that they say what they have to say and then stop in a way that tends, or pretends, to be ...piercing! This gives one that fine a read as one would expect on a winter evening with coffee in hand and then, going back to the poem for a second read, will smile a hearty smile thinking, "ah!".

[PrinceMyshkin]

The beauty of short poems is that they say what they have to say and then stop in a way that tends, or pretends, to be ...piercing! This gives one that fine a read as one would expect on a winter evening with coffee in hand and then, going back to the poem for a second read, will smile a hearty smile thinking, "ah!".

Which begs the question, my dear Symphony, whether this poem "tends, or pretends, to be ...piercing"!

[symphony]

Oh it doesnt have to tend or pretend, it so clearly is piercing!

[blp]

The question of expanding it is one I grappled with. The first 10 lines came spontaneously, and excited me. I could see though that they were in the nature of a set-up for the meat that had yet to be served, but what did I want to say about or in addition to what I'd already said? It would need to have the same feeling of immediacy and spontaneity and yet my fear was that anything more would just be commentary, what I would sometimes describe to my students as tucking the baby into bed or Steering the boat back into the harbour...

Finally, the last two lines or line and a half were in the nature of a surrender, an admission of defeat - in essence turning the 'poem' into a biography of the process of writing - or failing to write - it.

And "plea for clemency" was offered as an alternative to "poem" in the hope that these might be seen to cover the spectrum of human utterance, from a hopeful offering, an assertion of selfness, in the form of a poem, to an act of contrition in the face of having nothing or too little to offer.

I can well see the risk of losing the spontaneity. The great thing is, it's not a painting, so you'll never really lose the first flush of inspiration and you can dive into the potentially less felicitous business of building with that firm foundation. I'd say, free associate to the themes that've already come up and see what else comes. Open it up to greater chaos. Rather than rushing to steer the boat back to the harbour, head for the open see [deliberate misspelling]. Fail more. Fail better. There's a promise that could yet be fulfilled. Who knows? Change the portrait and you might well change the man.

There's an ambiguity in the 'plea for clemency' that I missed - and perhaps you missed the flipside of it: I took it to mean, 'a poem, or, to put it another way, a plea for clemency.'

[PrinceMyshkin]

May I say, first and to me most importantly, that I am deeply appreciative of the seriousness with which you are examining this poem. You must have had the experience of falling deeply in love with something you write? What is the point of writing it otherwise? Mightn't that be like pursuing some erotic object for whom you have only a tepid attraction?

Or (I forget whether you have children) suffering because the world fails to fall equally in love with some apple of your eye?


I can well see the risk of losing the spontaneity. The great thing is, it's not a painting, so you'll never really lose the first flush of inspiration and you can dive into the potentially less felicitous business of building with that firm foundation. I'd say, free associate to the themes that've already come up and see what else comes. Open it up to greater chaos. Rather than rushing to steer the boat back to the harbour, head for the open see [deliberate misspelling]. Fail more. Fail better. There's a promise that could yet be fulfilled. Who knows? Change the portrait and you might well change the man.

"Fail more. Fail better" are surely among the noblest of advice one might give anyone but a dilletante! But I'm unlikely to take it in this case. Maybe because of a general dispiritedness in my life these days, my intuition is that the "more/the better" might very likely be forced gibberish - and I could hardly stand to face myself if that were the result.


There's an ambiguity in the 'plea for clemency' that I missed - and perhaps you missed the flipside of it: I took it to mean, 'a poem, or, to put it another way, a plea for clemency.'

No, I absolutely do not want them to seem synonymous but, rather, as opposites, the one a proud declaration, the other the essence of felt humility in the face of possible worthlessness.

[blp]

I understand. Still, I can't help pointing out the possibility that the cause and effect relationship between the dispiritedness and the unwillingness to go on with the poem may not be as simple as it first appears. But I do understand, I think.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I understand. Still, I can't help pointing out the possibility that the cause and effect relationship between the dispiritedness and the unwillingness to go on with the poem may not be as simple as it first appears. But I do understand, I think.

Well, do please have a look at my attempt to add a bit more... I'm far from convinced that it provides what you and some others have felt was missing..

Edit: on further reflection I deleted the addition as it lacked conviction or merit...

[kiz_paws]

Sometimes, beyond the arrangement
of a string of words
made to resemble a poem
or a plea for clemency,
you can see the character
of a particular mind,
the heft and tone of it,
the cross-hatch of injuries
received or imagined,
the hopes betrayed,
the promises
that have yet to be fulfilled.

I always enjoy the way you say things -- "made to resemble a poem" -- now this line got me thinking. Yes, that is it -- you always draw the reader in for much more than they bargained for! ;)

As well, that title was awesome. You are VERY good at entitling your little gems! :nod:

This poem was short and sweet and I enjoyed it. May those promises be fulfilled, Jer! :)

[qimissung]

"...You can see the character of a particular mind,
the heft and tone of it,'
the crosshatch of injuries..."

I really like your poem, Prince, and I like these lines in particular. It seemed almost unfinished when I first read it, but perhaps if you ended with an ellipsis instead of a period, as if there could be more...but leaving it to the reader's imagination. It's a lovely, thoughtful piece, bittersweet, about who we are, and who we are still becoming (imho).

[PrinceMyshkin]

"...You can see the character of a particular mind,
the heft and tone of it,'
the crosshatch of injuries..."

I really like your poem, Prince, and I like these lines in particular. It seemed almost unfinished when I first read it, but perhaps if you ended with an ellipsis instead of a period, as if there could be more...but leaving it to the reader's imagination. It's a lovely, thoughtful piece, bittersweet, about who we are, and who we are still becoming (imho).

Excellent suggestion which, as you can see, I've adopted.

[firefangled]

Nicely expanded from the kernel I saw. Now the fourth line rings true. I can't help thinking of "Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening" thinking about how a poem reveals character of mind.

[Makai]

The poem is a beauty, fully popped kernel or or not. It can be more thought provoking to end something at a point the reader can finish it for themselves.

[PrinceMyshkin]

The poem is a beauty, fully popped kernel or not. It can be more thought provoking to end something at a point the reader can finish it for themselves.

Yes, that is an aesthetic I very much subscribe to! There is a critical axiom about "writer's work vs reader's work," the premise of which is that not everything can or should be spelled out but as in every aspect of human relationships one needs to learn to trust the other to discern what one means, to complete it in a sense out of his or her experience and sensibility. Failing that all we ever have are monologues when we want and need conversation.

In this case I ended the poem at a point where even I was left wondering how to finish it - or whether it could or should be finished!