last minute haikus

[LostPrincess13]

I was browsing through my stuff and I found a couple of haikus I wrote at the last minute for a play once... It was 3 minutes til showtime and I had to write them as an addition to the script!:lol: talk about extreme procrastination!:lol: anyways, i hope you enjoy them!

1.) The Sun shines above
Its warm fingers touch the sea
The sea turns golden

2.) A fiery chariot
Cuts the air; the clouds bleed fire
The sky is ablaze

3.) A golden flower
Amidst a meadow of blue
Blooms until nightfall

4.) Such angry torrents
In my heart is a whirlpool
None escapes its wrath

5.) My love is like grass
That grows in hidden meadows
Where of it none knew

6.) A tiny snowflake
She slowly slips from my grasp
Her love for me gone

[Silas Thorne]

:)Wow, terrific work under time pressure! I like the last one most of all, beautiful! The second one is pretty good too.

Better run now.

[LostPrincess13]

thanks!:D i'm glad you liked them!:D those were my favorites, too...:) LOL! i'm a master procrastinator, you see...;) coz, when i'm given time, i can be such a stubborn perfectionist that i couldn't get things done because of paying too much attention to details...;) btw, on that play, it was lucky that the actor just had to read it out, as if he was reading a letter...;) otherwise, i would have been toast!:lol:

[sublimeation]

hey im glad u posted it :D i copied it in my handy dandy notebook, remember? i guess i lost it. i like the last one too.i dont think i can ever come up with pieces like that. ugh the Fates sometimes can be so unfair hehe :)

[LostPrincess13]

hey im glad u posted it :D i copied it in my handy dandy notebook, remember? i guess i lost it. i like the last one too.i dont think i can ever come up with pieces like that. ugh the Fates sometimes can be so unfair hehe :)

LOL! you flatter me too much!:lol:

[[D]]

I like #1 the best good work:)

[Silas Thorne]

I like the imagery in 1, but D, don't you think repeating the words 'the sea' takes up too much space in a poem of so few lines?

We can hardly fault 'the lost one', for she says herself she composed them in a flurry.

[LostPrincess13]

I like the imagery in 1, but D, don't you think repeating the words 'the sea' takes up too much space in a poem of so few lines?

We can hardly fault 'the lost one', for she says herself she composed them in a flurry.

oh, i haven't noticed that at all!:lol: but you're right; i personally don't like to repeat words... thanks sooo much for pointing that out!:D

[LostPrincess13]

oh, btw, i liked being referred to as 'the lost one'...:D has a nice ring to it...:D

and i'm glad you liked it D!:D

[[D]]

I like the imagery in 1, but D, don't you think repeating the words 'the sea' takes up too much space in a poem of so few lines?

We can hardly fault 'the lost one', for she says herself she composed them in a flurry.


The way i write haikus personally i don't think it is wrong that you use a little repetition like the way LostPrincess used it was acceptable however i can see where you are coming from because she used repetition so closely together like that

[LostPrincess13]

i only use repetition for emphasis...:D kinda like a chorus for a song...:D

i'd love to hear your haikus D!:D *bats eyes*

[[D]]

Haha i most definitely will share some with you tomorrow i promise. I am laying down right now in my bed with my laptop but i am going to go to sleep soon.

[Silas Thorne]

I'm not an expert at haiku. To throw together these poems in a few minutes is a great feat, but I believe in a poem of this length every word is precious, and you didn't need to emphasise, immediately, the words that you just said.

But that's just me.

[LostPrincess13]

pleasant dreams d!:D

Silas, what i meant was usually for other poems... :D

[LostPrincess13]

To throw together these poems in a few minutes is a great feat

thanks i'm very flattered!:blush:

[[D]]

All sit in rain
Happily

Smiling down above
Angels

Continues to grow
Life

Walk the streets
Slowly

Going down the road
Cars

On the side of me
People

[LostPrincess13]

just read it D!:D this is certainly something new...:) quite refreshing...:) thanks!:D