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Delta40
01-04-2009, 06:32 AM
It could be the day
When my daughter goes away
I don’t feel right
About placing her in the hands
Of a drink-sodden man
Whose fingers are crack’d with time
His smile catches me off guard
Charming and false
A trap with an invisible sign
Of caring, yet
He believes he's not scaring
You when he does what he does
His ugliness within
Is expressed as an art
For the pleasure of some
Who are as lost in hell’s leisure
Where endless meanings must be defined
At the cost of others

The Muse
Old lover
My brother

Makai
01-05-2009, 12:25 AM
This poem stuck a strong sense of protectiveness in me. I wanted to call CPS on the man.

To me this means you have written some truth whether your own or borrowed, which means it is a very good poem. Striking sparks in your readers prove this.

I'm a little confused by the ending though, perhaps it is a bit cryptic for such a strong subject.

Dark Muse
01-05-2009, 12:30 AM
That is the most negative personification of the muse I have seen. Though I know many do have a love hate relationship with the enigmatic figure.

The poem acutally sounds like it could be about Death.

cogs
01-06-2009, 05:00 AM
i just watched 'the duchess', and this reminded me of it. i suggest write as you do, not trying to force the rhyme, because your ideas are wonderful enough to flow on their own, as at the end.

Delta40
01-06-2009, 05:31 AM
I am awed by these reviews. Thank you