Depression

[Delta40]

I got swallowed again
It must be a routine I go through
To cut myself from the ties
Which have me bound
To this wheel
It keeps goin’ round
As I flick everyone away
Like flies
The ones I love don’t stay
It don’t matter to me anyway

Rotten evils from where?
Haunts me there
Up they rise like a sheet
The darkness hits me as we meet
No voices utter welcome when we speak
Yet I know their hand so well
Boring, humdrum whorls that play out
Pressed hard across my breast
In the same place where I rest

[blp]

This seems very good to me. I thought from the title it was going to be more of the usual, but it's not. Maybe it needs another title.

[Scarlett Moon]

I liked your little poem. It was nice and had a little rhyme going here and there, which is nice with flow and all. But I really don't know a whole lot about poetry. Actually, I'm still experimenting with it. Hmmm...I liked the second stanza better.

[Delta40]

thank you. what do you mean give it a different name?

[blp]

I don't know. Just that maybe it could do with being called something else. On the other hand, the title 'Depression' kind of works because the poem's take on it is original and not the simple self-pity that one might expect.

[Delta40]

Oh I see. I gave it that title because it is my experience and I was depressed when I wrote it. The first stanza doesn't have the same rhyming edge but it picked up as I went along. I thought about changing that but then I realised it was rather like the progression of my depression, getting thicker and thicker. Not that anyone would know this. I don't know how to 'show' a poetic effect.

[Scarlett Moon]

Your welcome! For reading and good luck with finding a new title. Wish I could offer some help but I think that's something almost sacred. At least, all the other writers I know tell me that naming the title is sacred.

[blp]

Oh I see. I gave it that title because it is my experience and I was depressed when I wrote it. The first stanza doesn't have the same rhyming edge but it picked up as I went along. I thought about changing that but then I realised it was rather like the progression of my depression, getting thicker and thicker. Not that anyone would know this. I don't know how to 'show' a poetic effect.

Yeah, I don't think it's a problem here and may even, as you say, be the right approach. Your poem certainly has poetic effects, whether you know how to show them or not. Maybe you understand poetic effect better than you think, in that you've allowed the poem to do what seems to work best for it, rather than force it to deliver the 'correct' effect.