Joining...

[Koa]

A guy I know is in a group that is producing a Uni magazine and generally involved in cultural stuff. Or something like that. I wouldn't mind joining (I'm waiting for further explanation but usually that kind of groups appreciates some extra help...), but I'm full of doubts... I'm awfully bored and need something concrete to get into (won't have a job until April, unless I look for soemthing else now), plus I need to get to know new people and that would certainly help...
BUT
I've been in a school magazine before, and that sort of things just gets me down. Now you all know I DO have a lot to say (not always relevant, I agree), but that scarily only works online... I'm just boring and culturally apathic in fron of real people, especially if I don't know them much as this guy and whoever else is involved there. I've never admitted to a "living" person (well, to people I actually see face to face) that I've written poems, for example... And as far as I know this guy and 'that kind of people', I know they have no rpoblem in talking of their cultural interests and stuff (without being show-offs)...and they're damn right. In the past I've been trying to get involved in this sort of things thinking that being 'in' it would give me the motivation and help my self-confidence...but it has never worked, it only makes me feel not good enough just because I'm scared of opening my mind to others. That's where my dream of becoming a journalist went wrong... Moreover, when i have to write, I just get blocked...because if it's soemthing that is written to be read by someone, I just keep censoring myself and find the shallowest most banal way of saying what I want to say (providing I find something worth saying, which generally doesnt happen), even if I'd have better ways in mind...

Now you'll all say I have to try this thing if they want me in, but I'm afraid of getting only frustrations, and maybe too much 'work' (lazy, lazy). I'm still not sure what it is really about anyway, when I find out I'll have more basis to judge the situation...

Oh, another thing is that I have the feeling that this thing might be politically orientated... Again, I know the kind of person this guy is and my political views are certainly in that direction more than the other, but I don't like labels and belonging so openly to a political side. Again, I might be wrong about that, I just got this impression from a couple of things I might have misunderstood.

[crisaor]

I can relate to most of the things you said Koa. My advise is that you try it, see how it goes. If you can get out of it at any moment (that's what I understood), then there is no real reason to stay away from the experience. After all, it might turn out okay, but you won't know it unless you try.

[baddad]

Uh...Koa? After reading your introductory oratory I'm suggesting, as a prescription for what ails yee, a bottle of red wine and some peaceful scenery... and an afternoon empty of thought except those attuned to relaxing and enjoying the scenery.......(I'll forego, dispense with, the expected encouragments and platitudes....for now...)

And....I've said it before, but I'll say it again.....Welcome home Koa, and welcome to the newly enlightened 'you'...!!! Relax my friend, don't worry so much, and just be you......people enjoy and prefer that.

[amuse]

yes! and Koa, any one of us would be happy to be with you hanging out hearing you chatter endlessly, saying nothing, or coming up with the most mundane, "banal" stuff. :)

[Koa]

Uh...Koa? After reading your introductory oratory I'm suggesting, as a prescription for what ails yee, a bottle of red wine and some peaceful scenery... and an afternoon empty of thought except those attuned to relaxing and enjoying the scenery.......(I'll forego, dispense with, the expected encouragments and platitudes....for now...)



Oh you know, I did that once. Well, with no wine but I was just in a place I liked, with a good panorama and it was a sunny warmish day in late March...ah, cool...

Well anyway, I'll see what to do with this probably depending on my mood when I have to say something about it...

[subterranean]

Agree w/ baddad, no need to rush up just cause you feel you have so much things to catch up. Think it over and make yourself sure..no preasure.

[Helga]

Ok...this is hard. I think you should find out more about this and what it will mainly be about. If it is interesting you should do it, maybe you could start with reading what the other kids wrote to check for spelling or something like that. Start behind the scene and when you get to know these kids it may be easy to write something or give comments and tell your mind. Usually the most interesting people are the ones who are hard to figure out and if you start with only commenting once in a while they will now that there is so much more inside you than what they see. We know that. And if you give them a chance they will too!

I am trying to do this too, I want to be more involved in things I am interested in, there is a political group of kids and I want to be in it but when I meet new people and talk to them (face to face) I usually say something stupid or blush.

I hope we will both figure this out and and meet new interesting people, I know I need too...

[Koa]

I see what you mean Helga...

Anyway, just for the record, the guy's explanation about the stuff was more confused than I expected (I know him to be a very confusing person), basically it's something not so definite, they produce this magazine themselves (so they cant afford to print more than a few copies), and I dont think there's much of a direction ot it. In a way, it is interesting, like a small publishing experience (uhm like Dostoevsky and his brother or whoever he was), but on the other way more scary, they all seem so sure... I still dont know, I wasnt openly asked to join but as I said they wouldn't mind... *still pondering*

[Koa]

By the way... There is also a course of 'creative wrting' (not at the uni). For a second I gave it a thought...I dont like courses that tell you how to write because I think that's sort of innate...Of course noone is born with the gift of perfection in writing, but you can improve through exercise not necessarily with people telling you how to improve...Ok, that's partly an excuse for the fact that i'd never discuss my ideas in public nor would be able to get any idea while I'm sitting with other 20 people and someone is saying 'so, think of the female heroine of your story'...I think it simply can't work.
But maybe I could go after all...I would meet new people...There might be boys... :D Uhm I would love to meet a young troubled writer to fall in love with... :D
(ok lately everything in my mind turns into an excuse to meet new people including boys so that I can have a remote hope of having a relationship before I'm 50... hey when did this topic turn so futile??? Hey why do i keep using words of latin origin that I'm not even sure they work in English?)

I should have put this one in Random Thoughts :D :banana:

Madness is fun :D :banana: :eek2: :smash: :brickwall :lol: