Broken Poem

[0=2]

This
is a
broke/

n po(empathy split like
skin) from a broke/
n po
_et
___ceter(another scar)
________et cet
____________er(another scar)

can't peel my eyes from your flesh so I guess I
'll try my luck with

mine.My o(de)... my only
(sensitized) little c.r.ut(x)
ch-angling (s) (o)
broke/ (x)
n(o)
(x) whispered; please just do
n(o)'t leave, arms s(o)ver
y twisted? like T
(crossed crissed cursed)
o, morrow, sorr(y)
ow (kissed), me o (x) en
broke, crippled
carry me

home, broke/
n like e.very.(nd)
poempo(or)
et (I could)
__ cetera (scratch my)
________et (scars out)
__________ceter(another scar)

__________I'm hurt. (ow)

P.S.(xoxoxo)


___________________________________crucified all over.

[blp]

Very nicely done. However, I'm afraid it doesn't convey the pain you intended it to - as a poem, it's too kind of toothsomely satisfying and even fun for that.

[kiz_paws]

This
is a
broke/

n po(empathy split like
skin) from a broke/
n po
_et
___ceter(another scar)
________et cet
____________er(another scar)

can't peel my eyes from your flesh so I guess I
'll try my luck with

mine.My o(de)... my only
(sensitized) little c.r.ut(x)
ch-angling (s) (o)
broke/ (x)
n(o)
(x) whispered; please just do
n(o)'t leave, arms s(o)ver
y twisted? like T
(crossed crissed cursed)
o, morrow, sorr(y)
ow (kissed), me o (x) en
broke, crippled
carry me

home, broke/
n like e.very.(nd)
poempo(or)
et (I could)
__ cetera (scratch my)
________et (scars out)
__________ceter(another scar)

__________I'm hurt. (ow)

P.S.(xoxoxo)


___________________________________crucified all over.I really loved this work for its unique style. I felt broken reading it, awesome job. :thumbs_up

[white camellia]

Yeah, funny.

[blp]

A technical tip if you want to muck about with form in the future: you can preserve unusual spacing by putting code tags around your text:
[/ code] like that, but without the space after the slash obviously.

comme ça:

[code]
and soo
unknown

ss to ordinary men but known
to them who do not think
they know

Hope you won't think I'm hijacking, but it seems relevant to share this old poem of mine, written before I knew the code tags trick, which sort of seems in a similar spirit, formally and also, sort of, in terms of its subject matter. http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=14335