sowle2themax
02-25-2005, 12:22 AM
just hoping someone could help me with my english paper im writing
i pretty much suck at english and need to get better
and am a bit tired so if it will prob suck alot more then usual
the paper is supposed to explain what happened
the last sentence is supposed to be the thesis and the remaining peragraphs have to have a topic sentence supporting the thesis
anything you guys would do different?
spelling erros, grammar errors, stuff i can add?
thx for all the replies and the peopole who helped
heres the paper
The Job
On a bright sunny Monday morning in Louisiana John got up as usual like any other day of the week, getting ready to go to work. The only thing different this morning is the fact that he had something up his sleeve. He was a very simple minded person, always doing what was expected of him and obeying the law. He was stuck at a mediocre job, putting data into a computer while having to deal with the constant nagging of his boss about going faster. He was 38 years old and lived alone in a townhouse and had only a few good friends. He was making $40,000 dollars a year and it didn’t seem like he was going to be getting any more raises anytime soon, considering he was making the most amount of money possible for his position. Well one day he snapped! He and a couple of his friends went into the Low Jack Bank and robbed it.
A little bit after 2:00 P.M. John and his friends got into their getaway car and went down to the bank. They parked the car right at the front entrance of the bank, for an easy and quick escape. John and Dave put on their ski masks and picked up their guns and went into the bank, while the getaway driver [Mitch] stayed in the car and waited. As soon as they entered the bank John took charge and demanded everybody to get on the ground and stay still. While John had the hostages under control and occupied Dave demanded the cash tellers to put the money in the bag and to open the safe. They knew that they had to hurry because the police would come any minute. They wanted to be in and out within ninety seconds. As soon as, the safe opened Dave ran in with another bag and started to load up. As soon as he had all that he could carry he ran out of the bank and into the car, while John followed suite backing him up.
Before they even had a chance to pull off, they saw a police car flying down right behind them, a high speed chase soon followed. They knew known that their only chance of escape would be driving down the border. Ten minutes into the pursuit, as soon as they hit the highway, they were quickly engaged by five more police cars. They saw a chopper flying overhead and thought that there was no way they could outrun it. John beginning to feel desperate, and with the fear of going to jail sinking in got out his shotgun and started shooting at the police cars. He managed to blow out on of the police cars’ tires. This made all the other cop cars keep a safe distance. He then got Dave’s rifle and started to shoot at the helicopter. The helicopter fell back out of the rifle’s range just to be safe. They soon crossed the Louisiana/ Texas border but the cops still continued to give chase, even though they were out of their jurisdiction. They soon ran into the Texas state police and their spike strips that they had in store for them. They ran over it, not knowing exactly what had happened. They continued along as they could and figured as soon as the car stopped that they had to make a run for it. They saw a forest and all they would have to do is jump a guardrail to get to it, and there would be a million places to hide.
John knew that a shootout would follow. At the count of three they stopped the car and bolted out like lightning. At this point there were 15 police cars giving chase, as well as the two police helicopters and three news choppers. The police quickly got out of their cars, drew their weapons and started to give chase. John, Dave and Mitch all split up going different ways in the forest. John being the quickest of the three, had a very solid lead while the cops were gaining steadily on Dave and Mitch. Mitch feeling trapped pulled out his gun and started shooting at the police. It was an act of desperation, seeing how he was outnumbered eight to one. He quickly ran out of bullets and was apprehended. Dave also felt it was hopeless. He was running for five minutes as hard as he could and the police were still behind him. He took cover behind a tree and pulled out his handgun and started shooting at his pursuers. He managed to hit one of them in the chest and another one in the arm before he was shot in the head.
Paradise was in arms reach. At this point he couldn’t even see the police behind him, he ran so many different ways and must’ve tricked them. He continued jogging down the forest with the bag of money in his backpack thinking to himself that they didn’t even know what he looked like. All he would have to do is get across the border and he would be scot free. About twenty minutes later he came across a town right by Dallas, Texas. He changed from his bank robber outfit to his regular clothing, which he had in his bag. He went to town and got himself a bus pass to go to Mexico. When he got to the border crossing, he was a bit anxious. The border police didn’t really bother the people on the bus too much and let them right through. He was the happiest man on earth right there and then. He had enough money to go and do whatever he wanted for the rest of his life. He had always dreamed of living in Vanice and driving a Ferrari. Now he would do it and live life to it’s fullest.
i pretty much suck at english and need to get better
and am a bit tired so if it will prob suck alot more then usual
the paper is supposed to explain what happened
the last sentence is supposed to be the thesis and the remaining peragraphs have to have a topic sentence supporting the thesis
anything you guys would do different?
spelling erros, grammar errors, stuff i can add?
thx for all the replies and the peopole who helped
heres the paper
The Job
On a bright sunny Monday morning in Louisiana John got up as usual like any other day of the week, getting ready to go to work. The only thing different this morning is the fact that he had something up his sleeve. He was a very simple minded person, always doing what was expected of him and obeying the law. He was stuck at a mediocre job, putting data into a computer while having to deal with the constant nagging of his boss about going faster. He was 38 years old and lived alone in a townhouse and had only a few good friends. He was making $40,000 dollars a year and it didn’t seem like he was going to be getting any more raises anytime soon, considering he was making the most amount of money possible for his position. Well one day he snapped! He and a couple of his friends went into the Low Jack Bank and robbed it.
A little bit after 2:00 P.M. John and his friends got into their getaway car and went down to the bank. They parked the car right at the front entrance of the bank, for an easy and quick escape. John and Dave put on their ski masks and picked up their guns and went into the bank, while the getaway driver [Mitch] stayed in the car and waited. As soon as they entered the bank John took charge and demanded everybody to get on the ground and stay still. While John had the hostages under control and occupied Dave demanded the cash tellers to put the money in the bag and to open the safe. They knew that they had to hurry because the police would come any minute. They wanted to be in and out within ninety seconds. As soon as, the safe opened Dave ran in with another bag and started to load up. As soon as he had all that he could carry he ran out of the bank and into the car, while John followed suite backing him up.
Before they even had a chance to pull off, they saw a police car flying down right behind them, a high speed chase soon followed. They knew known that their only chance of escape would be driving down the border. Ten minutes into the pursuit, as soon as they hit the highway, they were quickly engaged by five more police cars. They saw a chopper flying overhead and thought that there was no way they could outrun it. John beginning to feel desperate, and with the fear of going to jail sinking in got out his shotgun and started shooting at the police cars. He managed to blow out on of the police cars’ tires. This made all the other cop cars keep a safe distance. He then got Dave’s rifle and started to shoot at the helicopter. The helicopter fell back out of the rifle’s range just to be safe. They soon crossed the Louisiana/ Texas border but the cops still continued to give chase, even though they were out of their jurisdiction. They soon ran into the Texas state police and their spike strips that they had in store for them. They ran over it, not knowing exactly what had happened. They continued along as they could and figured as soon as the car stopped that they had to make a run for it. They saw a forest and all they would have to do is jump a guardrail to get to it, and there would be a million places to hide.
John knew that a shootout would follow. At the count of three they stopped the car and bolted out like lightning. At this point there were 15 police cars giving chase, as well as the two police helicopters and three news choppers. The police quickly got out of their cars, drew their weapons and started to give chase. John, Dave and Mitch all split up going different ways in the forest. John being the quickest of the three, had a very solid lead while the cops were gaining steadily on Dave and Mitch. Mitch feeling trapped pulled out his gun and started shooting at the police. It was an act of desperation, seeing how he was outnumbered eight to one. He quickly ran out of bullets and was apprehended. Dave also felt it was hopeless. He was running for five minutes as hard as he could and the police were still behind him. He took cover behind a tree and pulled out his handgun and started shooting at his pursuers. He managed to hit one of them in the chest and another one in the arm before he was shot in the head.
Paradise was in arms reach. At this point he couldn’t even see the police behind him, he ran so many different ways and must’ve tricked them. He continued jogging down the forest with the bag of money in his backpack thinking to himself that they didn’t even know what he looked like. All he would have to do is get across the border and he would be scot free. About twenty minutes later he came across a town right by Dallas, Texas. He changed from his bank robber outfit to his regular clothing, which he had in his bag. He went to town and got himself a bus pass to go to Mexico. When he got to the border crossing, he was a bit anxious. The border police didn’t really bother the people on the bus too much and let them right through. He was the happiest man on earth right there and then. He had enough money to go and do whatever he wanted for the rest of his life. He had always dreamed of living in Vanice and driving a Ferrari. Now he would do it and live life to it’s fullest.