the blackest hole

[Elle***]

Cold as the blackest hole
so tired, cant open my eyes to roam
but the eyes that stare pierce my bones
please dont say it, i wanna go home

where do i go from here?
the bombshell you've dropped has left me nothing but fear
but i can see your warm
so you can stop the cold from your tainted soul

you think the smoke will clear
settle any issues that will and have come near
so why do i keep your hand?
I claimed your the one even though i couldnt stand

so why dont i run away?
im wide open but this has lost my way
hold me tighter than ever
I'll take the dive with you and stay true forever





any advice would be appreciated :)

[JoeLopp]

The title pulled me in at once, black holes are fascinating, frightening things.

I wonder though, if this person(?) you're referring to is a lover/loved one, and they have a tainted soul, yet you will stay w/ them forever ... maybe a bit more on how this 'tainted soul' has you so entranced, exactly.

There may be another stanza or 2 needing to be inserted to further clarify the contradiction in emotions? Such contradictions are always so interesting because they are all so human. We do this to ourselves all the time.

[Elle***]

firstly thankyou very much for the reply...ive just read over it again now, and with regards to what you are saying i totally understand the somewhat mystery and reasoning for the evident attraction i have even though theres a dark cloud over the matter...i am going to act upon your adive and write another staza, betten 2 and 3 should do it i think...i will post that up when accomplished...thanks again :)

[Elle***]

here is the full poem with 4 extra stanzas...please any futher adive on improvements/opinions/thoughts etc would be appreciated...


Cold as the blackest hole
so tired, cant open my eyes to roam
but the eyes that stare pierce my bones
please dont say it, i wanna go home

where do i go from here?
the bombshell you've dropped has left me nothing but fear
but i can see your warm
so you can stop the cold from your tainted soul

you think the smoke will clear
settle any issues that will and have come near
so why do i keep your hand?
I claimed your the one even though i couldnt stand

so why dont i run away?
im wide open but this has lost my way
hold me tighter than ever
I'll take the dive with you and stay true forever

but i potrayed the word with fear
sorrys i hold hoping they would save me
i still prolong a wanted kiss
that wouldnt wake a baby

i confess ive tortured you
with demands that you couldnt break
decisions are cruel
your troubles keep me awake

but i stand on the corner
waiting for me to tell me where to turn
becuase im just as bad as you
but too stubborn to learn

Love, i know you too well
your addiction is your only devotion
for the blackest hole is white
and to you
i now hold no further emotion




im gone....

[JoeLopp]

Good, Elle, good, you're very adept at expressing your true feelings, at least that's how i read it. And anyone, either a casual reader or if it's intended for anyone in particular, would be forced to hear what you're saying ... and take it seriously.

I sense an interesting duality, almost apologetic w/ a touch of independence/dependency, and defiance. At least that's how it came across to me.

I particularly liked the 'i'm gone...', or was that not the end of the poem, rather a sign off to the post ;)