Accounting 101

[PrinceMyshkin]

Every nickel has a name,
every dime an identity.
No two dollars are the same.
No sin is a non-entity.

[Virgil]

Wow, I love the music of that little piece Prince. I swear you could set that to music. A remarkable little thing. The alliteration with nickel/name and dime/dollar and same/sin. It all works so wonderfully together. Of course the word "sin" just expands the poem tremendously. Only thing I might suggest is that to my ear the rhythm of the last line might flow better with "No sin a non-entity." Seems like there is an extra syllable there and the "is" can be implied. But that just may be my ear.

Edit: It just occured to me as I reread it you may want that extra syllable. It does create a tension in the last line by throwing the music off balance. That in itself is meaning and could enhance the theme.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Wow, I love the music of that little piece Prince. I swear you could set that to music. A remarkable little thing. The alliteration with nickel/name and dime/dollar and same/sin. It all works so wonderfully together. Of course the word "sin" just expands the poem tremendously. Only thing I might suggest is that to my ear the rhythm of the last line might flow better with "No sin a non-entity." Seems like there is an extra syllable there and the "is" can be implied. But that just may be my ear.

Edit: It just occured to me as I reread it you may want that extra syllable. It does create a tension in the last line by throwing the music off balance. That in itself is meaning and could enhance the theme.

God bless you for this and your usual carefull readings. I did go back & forth re "is" in the last line. Your initial objection to it had me thinking to edit it out, but your edit reinforces me in my original decision, i.e, that without that "is" a non-entity following on the final "n" of sin created something of a jammed-up, clotted effect.

But thanks again, more than I can say.

[mmaria]

Although todays poetry doesn't find rhymes as something extraordinary, I am their slave, their worshiper. So, even though I myself wouldn't sing about sins, thanks for the rhymes.

[Elle***]

i really like this, very effective piece. thanks for the opportunity to read this :)

[kiz_paws]

Every nickel has a name,
every dime an identity.
No two dollars are the same.
No sin is a non-entity.
I think it is a gem, Jer. That last line was unexpected, but a brilliantly put message. :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

I think it is a gem, Jer. That last line was unexpected, but a brilliantly put message. :)

Yes, it was kind of unexpected to me, too, Kiz - one of the pleasures of writing. One begins with something that appears to have a certain conscious logic and then one's subconscious kicks in with something it may have been holding in reserve and at first one goes Hunh? Where did that come from? Does it make sense? And sometimes, as here, it does not seem to make sense yet one's intuition is that it does.

[Makai]

It's a lovely poem Jer, a diamond thought scintillating and pure. I love it when my subconscious helps me to clearly write something I'm working on.

[PrinceMyshkin]

It's a lovely poem Jer, a diamond thought scintillating and pure. I love it when my subconscious helps me to clearly write something I'm working on.

Welcome here, dear friend, and may you soon post something of your own!

[Makai]

Welcome here, dear friend, and may you soon post something of your own!


Thank you Dear one, but I already have just look.

[thegitksan]

This has the distinct feel of a truism that might have been written in the 1800's. Perhaps even a bit earlier, but certainly from days when aphorisms were miniature morality stories.

It is fun to read it aloud. I agree with Virgil and the others, that last line needs the kick of that extra syllable to set the last line off from the rest.