Mothercare

[Delta40]

Sarah is ill
She’s gonna break down
All her springs are comin’ loose
The lid won’t keep shut
In the blink of an eye
There! Look! Her handle is gone
So where can she go?
Without ribbons and bows?

Along grotesque crusty trails
she carves fresh paths of red
To bathe in her bottomless hell

Somehow she finds her way back
All compact
Completely Empty, you know
To slowly wind
And tighten her coils
Sarah is ill

Slowly…
Slowly...
Winding...

on hands and knees
Mothercare drops
lost, bewildered, stung
lagging behind
In another time
slowly, slowly she mops.

[duskmuse]

Hello

This was a beautiful poem. Very dark, but the way you weaved your words together was absolutly breathtaking. May I ask? Is Sarah suffering from post partem? I'm not sure if that is my though just because of the title. I'm just curious. Oh also, I loved the first line. "Sarah is ill" It instantly caught my attention and I was prepared to read more.

Thank you for sharing and good luck with writing.

-Dusk Muse

[Delta40]

Thanks for your feedback once again! I have just started dabbling in poetry with no knowledge of rules. Sarah is a self-harmer and the poem is written from a Mother perspective. However, if it has conveyed a dark message then well and good. I'm not quite sure about how clear or abstract one should be in poetry to be honest and I am confused about what its aim is. I am stumbling around in the dark really because when I read published poetry, I either like the impression it leaves me with, or I don't (isn't that it's purpose, rather than to pick it apart?) What do you think?

[duskmuse]

Hey

I think the purpose of poetry is to leave people in the dark. To leave them wondering and analyzing your poem. Almost like a puzzle, but personally, I think it's a lot more interesting. Although, I don't know a lot about poetry either. I'm still a student learning a lot about writing. Sorry, I can't really help you but good luck.

Bye

-Dusk Muse