Delta40
12-20-2008, 04:41 AM
I’m actually not much fun really. No joke. I work a 45-hour week as a labourer, a real **** kicker job I reckon. The pay is alright and me and the other blokes have a few laughs but outta work, well, that’s it for me. I get home, crack a cold one, and put me feet up basically. Good old steak and veg does me for dinner. I don’t have much energy left for anything else. I’m 48 so I figure its startin to catch up with me now. Some of the young blokes on site really make me feel me age at times. There’s no accounting for experience though; that’s what I tell em anyhow. Still, when I get home, it feels bloody good to relax in front of the telly, while the others are off out on the town trying to land some bird and maybe get their end in. Its footy for me I reckon. Chasing girls is a thing of the past for me. I’m just too knackered.
You can imagine how shocked I was when me new neighbour introduced herself. What a laugh! A forty-year-old sheila with henna dyed hair, calling herself Candy. She looked alright for her age I suppose, no make up and a strange bun thing with hair clips sticking out everywhere. Her tits bounced like they were gonna slap me in the face any moment. I just reckon she was a bit wrong in the head though coz she showed this uncanny interest in me right from the time she knocked on me door.
‘Oooh Gazza you’re very masculine for your age,’ she’d say. ‘Do you play sport?’
I’d look at her as if she was from another planet. You know, I work pretty hard but those tinnies I’ve been downing over the years have added up and me beer gut is taking on a very round shape now. True, I can still see me thongs without leaning forward but I reckon a few more beers and I won’t be able to.
She talked a lot too about her life and where she wanted to go and how she was ‘growing’. All crap to me. She was ok looking though, but I couldn’t see why she would zero in on me. She had this knack of coming right up close to my face when she spoke. She’d breathe all sexy like, ‘What about those Dockers on Saturday Gaz?’
Makes a man feel real uncomfortable I tell ya. Into me house on a Sunday morning she’d waltz and pin me down in me armchair. I was trapped while she leaned over me, her crazy coloured hair would be hanging loose round her open top, giving me peeks of her bra.
‘Hi Gazza, watcha doing today?’ she’d ask.
Jesus, what’s a bloke supposed to say? Well Candy, I was going to unblock me drainpipes but what I really want to do is unblock you? I’m too old for this rubbish and I dunno what her game is. Truth is, I never did with women so I just held me breath so I couldn’t smell the perfumy stuff she wears. It’s no good though coz Candy keeps talking to me and coming round.
I told the fellas at work about her and how she was just begging for it. They all thought it was a hoot. I sorta twisted the way I was handling her and told em that I would give it to Candy when I was good and ready but that’s bull****. I can’t tell me mates what I’m really feeling of course coz they’ll give me a right hard time and I can’t let those young pups think I’m too old to bang a sheila. Not yet anyway.
To tell you the truth, its been a while since I was with a girl. I’ve gotten used to me own company now and I haven’t thought much about talking to them. This Candy is strange wanting to spend all her time with a bloke like me, since we don’t have nothing in common.
‘I can see you’re a nice guy Gaz’, she said one afternoon. ‘I’m a woman who needs to surround herself with positive energy’.
She told me she can’t cook for **** either but I reckon I’m interested in more than just her cooking. I figure I’d like to cuddle her and stuff but I dunno how to go about it and she makes me embarrassed the way she talks how strong and handsome I am. She says I look really young for me age and that I’ve got good tonal definition. Now you know why I can’t tell me work mates coz I’d never live it down.
One Friday night I agreed to go next door to her place for dinner. She’d got the room lit with candles galore. The place stunk to high heaven from those burning sticks she buys from hippy shops but she looked pretty in a wispy wrap round thingy. Her hair was piled high and held together with clips. They were falling out all over the place, but I reckoned that suited her too. Candy had been doing some Asian cooking course and I nearly spewed me guts up trying to be polite but it was no use. She could tell I didn’t like it and she burst out laughing. I love it when she laughs though coz it sounds nice for one thing and for another, her tits jiggle just fine. Afterwards we sat on her sofa with some rank tasting wine. Candy had put on some Japanese music, which she said would centre me chakra. Sounded painful but I said nothing. She was curled up right next to me, telling me all about her sunken garden.
‘Kiss me’ she said suddenly.
Well, I dropped me bloody wineglass didn’t I!
‘Jesus I’m real sorry Candy.’
Swearing and apologizing, I half helped her mop up the mess. She cleaned it up telling me it was ok and that it wouldn’t stain but I felt like a right jerk. What’s wrong with me? I’m a grown man and I can’t manage to get me bloody rocks off with a woman. I went back home knowing that Asian food and red wine were not for me. Best stick with me steak n’ veg and beer. I decided to keep me eyes on the footy from then on.
All week at work, the guys were pumping me for details about how I banged me neighbour. To get them off my back, I kidded that now that I had done it, I had to keep some respect for her, but I agreed with the fellas that Candy had been a tasty dish. I felt like **** inside though coz I was useless really and lyin to me mates didn’t make me feel any better for some reason. I hoped Candy would never hear what I had said. The odd thing is, it wasn’t until she moved in next door that I thought about being lonely or anything. I was happy as a boring bugger who can’t turn women on and suddenly, since I met Candy, I’ve been harping on like I was some hot-blooded lady killer.
For the last two weeks, I have ignored Candy as much as I could. I mean women are trouble really and if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be crapping on to the fellas at work and feeling like a silly, useless bugger inside now would I? She’s come round quite a few times but I don’t answer the door. I watch her through the window though as she walks down me path, her red hair and clips sticking out in every direction. Its crazy but I can see how beautiful she is now and I dunno why, but I think she still likes me. While I sit here and watch me footy, I reckon there must be other ways a man can score in this life. It should be easy too, when you think about it. All a bloke needs to do really is switch off his telly and go next door…
You can imagine how shocked I was when me new neighbour introduced herself. What a laugh! A forty-year-old sheila with henna dyed hair, calling herself Candy. She looked alright for her age I suppose, no make up and a strange bun thing with hair clips sticking out everywhere. Her tits bounced like they were gonna slap me in the face any moment. I just reckon she was a bit wrong in the head though coz she showed this uncanny interest in me right from the time she knocked on me door.
‘Oooh Gazza you’re very masculine for your age,’ she’d say. ‘Do you play sport?’
I’d look at her as if she was from another planet. You know, I work pretty hard but those tinnies I’ve been downing over the years have added up and me beer gut is taking on a very round shape now. True, I can still see me thongs without leaning forward but I reckon a few more beers and I won’t be able to.
She talked a lot too about her life and where she wanted to go and how she was ‘growing’. All crap to me. She was ok looking though, but I couldn’t see why she would zero in on me. She had this knack of coming right up close to my face when she spoke. She’d breathe all sexy like, ‘What about those Dockers on Saturday Gaz?’
Makes a man feel real uncomfortable I tell ya. Into me house on a Sunday morning she’d waltz and pin me down in me armchair. I was trapped while she leaned over me, her crazy coloured hair would be hanging loose round her open top, giving me peeks of her bra.
‘Hi Gazza, watcha doing today?’ she’d ask.
Jesus, what’s a bloke supposed to say? Well Candy, I was going to unblock me drainpipes but what I really want to do is unblock you? I’m too old for this rubbish and I dunno what her game is. Truth is, I never did with women so I just held me breath so I couldn’t smell the perfumy stuff she wears. It’s no good though coz Candy keeps talking to me and coming round.
I told the fellas at work about her and how she was just begging for it. They all thought it was a hoot. I sorta twisted the way I was handling her and told em that I would give it to Candy when I was good and ready but that’s bull****. I can’t tell me mates what I’m really feeling of course coz they’ll give me a right hard time and I can’t let those young pups think I’m too old to bang a sheila. Not yet anyway.
To tell you the truth, its been a while since I was with a girl. I’ve gotten used to me own company now and I haven’t thought much about talking to them. This Candy is strange wanting to spend all her time with a bloke like me, since we don’t have nothing in common.
‘I can see you’re a nice guy Gaz’, she said one afternoon. ‘I’m a woman who needs to surround herself with positive energy’.
She told me she can’t cook for **** either but I reckon I’m interested in more than just her cooking. I figure I’d like to cuddle her and stuff but I dunno how to go about it and she makes me embarrassed the way she talks how strong and handsome I am. She says I look really young for me age and that I’ve got good tonal definition. Now you know why I can’t tell me work mates coz I’d never live it down.
One Friday night I agreed to go next door to her place for dinner. She’d got the room lit with candles galore. The place stunk to high heaven from those burning sticks she buys from hippy shops but she looked pretty in a wispy wrap round thingy. Her hair was piled high and held together with clips. They were falling out all over the place, but I reckoned that suited her too. Candy had been doing some Asian cooking course and I nearly spewed me guts up trying to be polite but it was no use. She could tell I didn’t like it and she burst out laughing. I love it when she laughs though coz it sounds nice for one thing and for another, her tits jiggle just fine. Afterwards we sat on her sofa with some rank tasting wine. Candy had put on some Japanese music, which she said would centre me chakra. Sounded painful but I said nothing. She was curled up right next to me, telling me all about her sunken garden.
‘Kiss me’ she said suddenly.
Well, I dropped me bloody wineglass didn’t I!
‘Jesus I’m real sorry Candy.’
Swearing and apologizing, I half helped her mop up the mess. She cleaned it up telling me it was ok and that it wouldn’t stain but I felt like a right jerk. What’s wrong with me? I’m a grown man and I can’t manage to get me bloody rocks off with a woman. I went back home knowing that Asian food and red wine were not for me. Best stick with me steak n’ veg and beer. I decided to keep me eyes on the footy from then on.
All week at work, the guys were pumping me for details about how I banged me neighbour. To get them off my back, I kidded that now that I had done it, I had to keep some respect for her, but I agreed with the fellas that Candy had been a tasty dish. I felt like **** inside though coz I was useless really and lyin to me mates didn’t make me feel any better for some reason. I hoped Candy would never hear what I had said. The odd thing is, it wasn’t until she moved in next door that I thought about being lonely or anything. I was happy as a boring bugger who can’t turn women on and suddenly, since I met Candy, I’ve been harping on like I was some hot-blooded lady killer.
For the last two weeks, I have ignored Candy as much as I could. I mean women are trouble really and if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be crapping on to the fellas at work and feeling like a silly, useless bugger inside now would I? She’s come round quite a few times but I don’t answer the door. I watch her through the window though as she walks down me path, her red hair and clips sticking out in every direction. Its crazy but I can see how beautiful she is now and I dunno why, but I think she still likes me. While I sit here and watch me footy, I reckon there must be other ways a man can score in this life. It should be easy too, when you think about it. All a bloke needs to do really is switch off his telly and go next door…