The Mad Carousel

[PierreGringoire]

New Title: The Majestic Revelation

Cavorting assertivly
With sound resolution
Loosing my identity
In this revelation:

Fragile freedoms must be nurtured
Or they'll dissipate into a dillution
True happiness cannot be found in the future
The appeal is an illusion

My spirit is free
No longer a member of a convention
It will be whatever it will be
Beyond contention

So it sleeps rest assured
Intuition will find its way
For a waltz to be heard
And never wake up the next day

Give me an encompassing tune for all time
Let every dancing gesture be as if it were fate
Like an uncanny actor effortlessly expounding each of his lines
As powerful as the lover's first date

Ending uncertainties and inhibitions
Making ends meet with old tapestry
Living out a new orchestrated vision
Reassuredly continuous as far as the eyes could see

When the stage is finally set for the appearence of a king
And yet no one wills the role
Harmony reigns as angels sing
"Long live thine inventive soul"

[Dark Muse]

I like it. It is quite different, but it has a very nice flow to it. And some interesting allusions.

I really like these lines


For a waltz to be heard
And never wake up the next day

[PierreGringoire]

Thank you. I needed to change the last few lines up a bit. Instead of reality.... I changed it to intuition -- It was too vague. I hope it reads easier now. Much tighter message now (I hope)

[Shadow Poet]

Well, I didn't read the original version I'm liking this. I hope others can see how talented you are.

[PierreGringoire]

Thanks. I got the inspiration from Shostakovich's
Second Waltz played by Andre Rieu. Its actually meant to be a happy poem. The vividness at the end may be unclear.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LX1fiE0U1qA

[PierreGringoire]

*Edited*
Give me an encompassing tune for all time
Let every dancing gesture be as if it were fate
Like an uncanny actor effortlessly expounding each of his lines
As powerful as the lover's first date

Ending uncertainties and inhibitions
Making ends meet with old tapestry
Living out a new orchestrated vision
Reassuredly continuous as far as the eyes could see

[firefangled]

Give me an encompassing tune for all time
Let every dancing gesture be as if it were fate
Like an uncanny actor effortlessly expounding each of his lines
As powerful as the lover's first date

Ending uncertainties and inhibitions
Making ends meet with old tapestry
Living out a new orchestrated vision
Reassuredly continuous as far as the eyes could see



These two stanzas are so powerful and "encompassing" that they nearly say all that has been said to this point in the poem. I love the last line.

[PierreGringoire]

*Edited* -- Changed the fourth line in the first stanza from "can this be the solution"
to In this revelation:
For the sake of clarity and flow of the poem