Polar Express

[SpurYourImagina]

Here
I can hear it coming down the tracks

Oh mastiff of steel
Oh angler of metal
How your smokestack puffs with smoke
And your wheels grind the tracks
Choo Choo! It roars

Here
I can hear it coming down the tracks

[cogs]

Here
I can hear it coming down the tracks

Oh mastiff of steel
Oh angler of metal
How your smokestack puffs with smoke
And your wheels grind the tracks
Choo Choo! It roars

Here
I can hear it coming down the tracks

cool poem! if it were me, i'd lose the 'oh's' and 'how your', and focus on the phrases themselves, as the words can convey rhythm, alliteration, and description. and the smoke seems redundant, as you already wrote 'smokestack'.
i like the noise, the size, and the smells... i can really see the train.

[SpurYourImagina]

I appreciate the input. I'm really trying to keep the noise, size, and smells while adding more rhythym and alliteration. There is a train that barrels right past my house a couple of times a day, so that's where I'm getting my inspiration. I'll keep you posted with the revisions. :)