Looking in the mirror

[Helga]

Forgive me for
the words I never say.
Forgive me for
the life I can't give you.
Your sadness tears me apart
but I can't help.
I try to smile and
lighten you up,
but it won't work
while life turns you down.
Sorrow fills your heart
and you can't fake it.
You hide behind green eyes
but I can see it.
You smile every day
but your tears could
fill up the ocean.
You cry every night
untill you give up the fight,
and surrender.
Forgive me for the life
you'll never have.

[mono]

Beautiful, Helga. I love the repititions of "Forgive me for . . ." and all of your line-breaks (caesaras-?) seem in the perfect places, keeping the reader's attention, and never losing him/her in abstractness.
Well done!

[Jay]

Very nice, can relate :), maybe that's why it's so nice. A very good one.

[Helga]

thanks guys...

I'm not shure about the title though...

[Jay]

Why not, seems ok to me, why aren't you sure about it?
Wait... actually... now that you mentioned the title it changed the way I understood the poem. Hmmm, should read poem-titles more often.

[Scheherazade]

that is a monologue with self, isnt it? so quite a good title.

[Jay]

yup, actually noticing the title now it does change the idea of the poem... really should read the titles more

[amuse]

i think the title makes the poem. like after i read it i checked out the title (yes, a tad backwards...) and all of a sudden i felt: !!!

[Helga]

yes this is a monologue to self. I choose this title to underline that, but it could be better. but then again I never like my titles...

[baddad]

Titles can be ......the most difficult part of a piece, but this title seems completely at one with the poem. The poem is the mirror. The mirror is the poem. What could be simpler? Simple is always good.