where art thou, my sweet heart?

[mazHur]

where art thou, my sweet heart?
by mazHur


...........oOo.............

where art thou, my sweet heart?
the darkness of the night
is getting deeper and deeper
all around is silence
and me alone moving in my
bedroom here and there
without purpose
my heart is heavier
eyes are sored up
eye lids hard to lift up
my eye balls becoming dull
I don't know where the heck are you?
Every night you play games with me
until the sun rises and pokes the spear
of its sharp bright ray
into the iris of my eyes
shutting them down
finally
till i fall dead asleep
all day waiting to prepare
for the arrival of my sweet heart
some night.
At least in my dream-ridden Sleep!

[symphony]

"where art thou" and "where the heck" in the same poem??!

Critically speaking, I'm not really sure about this poem, mazHur, it moves on from sounding too archaic to sounding too banal for me. Unless, of course, you dont care how this sounds and have only cared about writing honestly about a close someone, without qualitative efforts.

[mazHur]

"where art thou" and "where the heck" in the same poem??!

Critically speaking, I'm not really sure about this poem, mazHur, it moves on from sounding too archaic to sounding too banal for me. Unless, of course, you dont care how this sounds and have only cared about writing honestly about a close someone, without qualitative efforts.

thanks, symph, for your comments.

"where art thou" and "where the heck" in the same poem??!
such contrast takes place when the waiting is too long and you have to utter 'heck' in despair and some what irritation!
when some body doesnt turn up after a long wait you must have noted that he may utter such words as '' Where were you?
I thought you were 'dead'! Such words are necessarily not out of contempt but with love above love,,,,patience on the verge!

here is one of the comment i received on another forum..


= thine romance!

Some Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet" influence here I sense. Interesting and kind this is. But the repetition of "eyes" is not there so good to use. Expect for more shall I!

Best wishes,
Marius

anyway, I appreciate your comments and sorry to note this poem lacking in taste,:)

[firewrathed]

well...the line symphony criticized also hit me while reading it,mazhur. But nevertheless I enjoyed reading it. Gave me the impression of a profound yet careless, unattainable yet endless love.

[firewrathed]

well...the line symphony criticized also hit me while reading it,mazhur. But nevertheless I enjoyed reading it. Gave me the impression of a profound yet careless, unattainable yet endless love.

[mazHur]

well...the line symphony criticized also hit me while reading it,mazhur. But nevertheless I enjoyed reading it. Gave me the impression of a profound yet careless, unattainable yet endless love.

thank you, Firewrathed and all for your comments which I sincerely appreciate.:)