Memories of Sad Jerusalem

[Pretty^Athens]

The crowded city made me feel secure.. i sat silently next to him afraid of sayinng any foolish thing that migh ruin this "romantic" tensefull atmosphere... it was a typical Autumn day; grey sky that smiled guiltily at me, cold breez that bit my bare nech and shoulders, and bunch of people who haven't decide whether to wear t-shirts or coats....
He was busy driving down all the crowded annoying streets of this sar yet proud city; as i listened to the music he forced me to listen to... i wouldn't say it was bad music, it just didn't suit my unique weird taste...
I tried to start a conversation, but what could we possibly talk about with our different mind and mentalities?
I decided to do nothing but staring into that Autumn faded lights that touched my senses with a mild feeling of pleasure.
i enjoyed every moment sitting there next to him, recalling every time we met, every time we talked. I recalled those silly times when i thought i'd do anything just to be with him, i recalled how i used to adore and worship him.
All these nonsense passed into my mind, when he suddenly asked if i'd like to go for a walk in the down town; i said i wanted to but i had to catch the bus. For some reason i wanted to stay, and deep inside i really wanted to miss the bus, i wanted to spend as long as i could, with this brown eyed "angel" i used to... i don't know if it was love or just a kinf of dellusions i created for myself!
i told him i had to go to the bus station as fast as possible... while disterous fire of objecting was burning within my body, fire that made me realize how much i'll long for himk how i'll long for his hazel eyes looking into mine when he has nothing to say, how i'll long for his touch... my God i never though i'd be attached to someone i barely loved...
Finally the miracle had occured and we reached the station, i was relieved to leave so that this damn fire would leave me alone...
i hugged him good bye, but felt a huge need to kiss his lips, to give him all the passion i felt towars him... i kissed him desirely... and as i kissed him, my burning passion faded into his hot attractive lips....
i said i had a good time, got of the car, and slammed the door behind me....
His lips left a mark on my under lip, which made me melt with with longing whenever i touch it....
The mark has faded, but whenever i touch my lip, i feel this yearning to meet him again, though deep inside, i know i never loved him and that i never will... He's just the link the connects me to a time when i was much happier!!

[Amylian]

Your way of expressing the visual scenes and catching the auditory sounds are quite unique. Not to mention the fact that a very, deep sensational theme overwhelmed the story. You're tortured by love, so it would seem. Your desire for having, well, you know, is really melting you down, which, in a way, makes it an "Erotic Romance", something that I am trying to immitate in an Epic form in my Novel, but always fail in doing so. You're pretty good, I'd say.

Well, another thing, which is not very important, since this is a very short story, and that is being "dramatic", well, I am not quite sure if this is the right word; just do not let it get into you, you're very good, as I said, at observing details which most people and even authors lack, this is, however, on one hand. On the other hand, do not use small letter "i"; you might think it is just a short story, but actually it is something that resides inside you and without realization you express things, past experiences, or daily occurences in the story, so, treating your story well and decorating it with nice structure would be nice, don't you think?

I talked too much, sorry about that, I didn't have anything to do the moment I was writing this reply.

[Pretty^Athens]

hey !
thanks a lot for what you've written me!
i'm so glad you liked it

[Pretty^Athens]

and btw,
it's ok that you talk alot
i talk a lot too :D