Feeling of life

[darylkwas]

Feelings of life

Butterflies inside as I make my way home
Regrets in my past that won’t leave me alone
And memories now are all left inside
The good and the bad with no where to hide
Demons within stab at my heart
Leave me feeling like I did not do my part
I try to progress past the hurt and the pain
Leaving a mark on my heart like a stain
Things I could not buy borrow or steal
Probably lessened your like or appeal
Giving up everything that lived in my life
Sheds tears from my eyes and cuts like a knife
Often I think on those things that had meaning
The things that were good and always repeating
I make my way down the street where we used to walk
Remembering the kids as they played with the chalk
The hands that held tight and fit like a glove
You brought to me from that one up above
The kisses and hugs I will miss more than the rest
But not seeing your smile makes my life less
So today I sit here butterflies still deep inside
Opening the door with nowhere to hide
Empty is this house my heart and my being
For it’s you in my life that I wish I could be seeing
Now you are still here whether you like it or not
In my mind, in my heart, in my love - for it’s all that I’ve got

[Miranda]

I find this a really sad poem, written with skill. Not a lot of poems that rhyme work the way that this does, since the rhyme often takes over and becomes more important than what is actually said. But I think that this works really well here. I like the 'almost' rhyme between 'meaning' and 'repeating' and think that this is really clever. I particularly like these lines 'The kisses and hugs I will miss more than the rest But not seeing your smile makes my life less'. I like the way you have used the word 'lifeless,' here, and equate it with being lifeless, like life has come to a standstill also. I also like the rhythm that runs all the way through the poem and carries it along.

Miranda

[darylkwas]

Thank you for your comments. I will be posting a few more here soon. I know some of them kind of need work but I figure I would throw them out there anyway. Maybe someone will enjoy them.

Daryl

[darylkwas]

Oh, this was the first poem I've ever written in my life. I know I need some help so I guess that's why I'm here too. So people can give me a little direction and read a little of what I have to say. Thanks again