Those funny internet lists

[Stanislaw]

anyone come across those weird list sent through e-mail communities?
Here is one I recieved yesterday:
19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity


1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.


2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.


3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That.


4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."


5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.





6. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."


7. Don't Use Any Punctuation


8. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.


9. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.


10. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."


11. Sing Along At The Opera.


12. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme


13. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.


14. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.


15. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Hard.


16. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"


17. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"


18. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

[Helga]

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

8. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

11. Sing Along At The Opera.

14. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."


Ok number 2,4,8,10,11,14,16,18.

I do that all the time, does that mean I'm crasy?...well nr.18 I tell my brothers since I don't have kids...

[Jester]

wow, thats a pretty funny one, i have to print that one out, thanks stan

[Jester]

oh, where's number nineteen?

[Bongitybongbong]

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.


2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."


5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

9. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.

12. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

17. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"


18. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
:lol: :lol: Thank you Stan.

[mono]

I read a few of these very similar items on something called "101 Ways to be Annoying." I did a google.com search and found it, for anyone curious:
http://www.jokecenter.com/jokes/Misc/1045.htm

[Jester]

me an my brother used to stick all the flat pieces of lego sotgether, for a long time... we got really good and developing ways of freeying them (note its even worse if you stick the small two by one flat pieces right in the middle of a base plate!)

[amuse]

i'm choking on my jellies reading this 101 list - it's hilarious!

[amuse]

i can't handle it! :lol: :lol: roflmao

[amuse]

oh HELP!!!!!

[Jester]

i had that problem, spent hours on the site... its so funny. mind if i have a few je;lly beans, i haven't had them in a while!

[Bongitybongbong]

I've copied, pasted, and saved it to the computer.

[Jester]

Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve

10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because men hate to ask for directions.

9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote.

8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him.

7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.

5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle childbearing.

4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he put his tools.

3. The scripture account of creation indicates Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!"

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, "I can do better than that."


HTis one was in my hotmail inbox earlier today!

[Bongitybongbong]

That's funny.

[Helga]

This is so funny and disgusting...

20 Ways to Annoy Your Public Bathroom Stall-Mate

Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "may I borrow a highlighter?"
Say, "uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."
Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
Say, "Damn, this water's cold."
Drop a marble and say, "Oh ****! My glass eye!"
Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of six feet. Sigh relaxingly.
Say, "Now how did that get in there."
Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbor's while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
Say, "Interesting............. more floaters than sinkers.'"
Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"
Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me now."
Fill a balloon with cream corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.
Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggott."
Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
Before you un-roll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."

[Helga]

ok I found another one..

50 Ways to be Annoying in a Library

Read out loud. Very loud. And slowly.

While pointing to a very simple word, like 'the', ask the person next to you if he/she can pronounce it for you.

While looking at your book, turn so you’re facing the person. Then, peer over the top of your book, and say "PEEKABOO!!"

Put down you book, and look over and start reading the other persons book, and, either 1) say "Ooo. Nice book." or 2) when he/she looks at you, quickly pick up your book and act like your reading it.

Suddenly look over at him/her, and say, "You’re one of THEM!"

Put down you book, and look at him/her. When he/she says something, like "what?" then cut them off by saying "Are you accusing me of something?!?"

Read your book. Upside down.

Read your book from right to left. And flip the pages the same way.

Flip the page every two or so seconds.

Pick up your book, put it down, and say, "Wow. That was a good book."

Read silently, and then as if speaking to the character in your book, say, "No, Jim! It's a trap! Don't do it!!" Then turn to the person and reply solemnly, "He did it." when he/she looks at you.

Turn to the person and ask, "Have you ever experienced déjà vu and amnesia at the same time?"

Start arguing with yourself, then when he/she looks at you funny, say "Ohh, I'm sorry. I was just telling my subconscious to be quiet."

Sit down, and then say to the person next to you, "Hi! My name's (your name) and I'm really glad to meet you."

Ask him/her if he/she knew there are eddies in the space/time continuum.

Ask him/her what species he/she is.

Every so often, yelp in pain, and look at your feet.

Bring a bag or purse, and peer into it and say, "Got enough air in their?" or, "Settle down in there. I'm trying to read!"

Ask them what their name is, and then when they start to reply, cut them off by saying, "No it isn't!"

Break the silence by making a bodily function noise, then say, "Wow! That was a good one!"

Every time the person next to you turns the page, make a strange sound, or a beep.

Announce the page number each time you turn a page.

Constantly shift in your seat, and if the person next to you asked what is wrong, reply by saying, "I'm constipated. Hehe."

Spell every single word as you read it.

Chew gum with your mouth open, and smack your lips while reading.

Act like you’re picking your nose. And eating it.

Snort loudly, and gargle with your spit.

Sneeze a lot.

Hold your book right next to your eyes.

Every few minutes, get up out of your chair, walk around the table, and sit back down.

Stand up, and continue reading.

Make a strange sound every few minutes, then act like you didn’t do it.

Bring a bag of cat food, and start snacking on it.

Bring a box of crunchy cereal, a bowl, and a spoon. Then dig in messily, and crunch on it.

Ask them, "Got milk?"

Read out loud attempting to pronounce easy words. Butcher them badly. But be able to pronounce hard words.

Fall out of your seat, then say, "I meant to do that." Then do it again. And again.

Bring a laptop, and turn up the sound, and play a very noisy game.

Wear too many sweaters, and complain how hot it is.

Bring one of those fans with a squirt bottle attached, and make it look like you’re attempting to squirt yourself, but hit them instead.

Bring a bottle of squirtable mouth freshener, and miss every time you try to spray it into your mouth.

Wear A LOT of putrid smelling cologne or perfume.

Spill that same cologne or perfume on their book.

Put down your book, then say, "Hey, ya wanna trade?"

Bring a recording of very obnoxious music, and hide it in a bag. Turn it up full blast, and accuse them of having it. Keep accusing them, then get the librarian to come. When they find it in your bag, yell, "IT WAS PLANTED ON ME I TELL YOU!!!!! IT’S NOT MY FAULT!! IT’S A GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY!! ALIENS BEAMED IT INTO MY BAG!!! IT’S BECAUSE I DIDN’T LET THEM DO EXPERIMENTS ON ME!!"

Without looking away from your book, say to no one in particular, "I know what you did last summer."

Bring a piece of bread, and drop pieces of it down the little hole in the center of the table meant for cords.

While reading your book, start humming a single note until you’re out of breath, then collapse on the floor. Then get back up, and continue reading like nothing happened.

Start singing "This is the song that never ends..."

While placing small pieces of bread in a line, count one, two, three. . ., and lose count every ten or so.

[Stanislaw]

:D Thats good!! Heh I liked the library one, reminds me of my public library!! :D

The washroom one, was pretty nasty!

[Jester]

"this is the song that never ends it goes on and on my freind..."

i got to try soem of those soemtimes, the only problem is, i work in the library!!!

[Miss Darcy]

Really! That's cool...I'd like to work in the library, as a part-time thing...not in KMart or Coles or MacDonald's like my friends...my Mum used to work as a librarian so I guess that's why....

Hehe, they are rather...funny in a strange, strange way. "Wear too many sweaters, and complain how hot it is." Hehe...it would never be hot in the library over here, they've got air conditioning on ALL THE TIME, even during winter...so all the librarians wear jumpers (sweaters for Americans). We ordinary people freeze, though!

"Hold your book right next to your eyes." Hey! I do that sometimes! *Angelic smile*

You know my friend was considering going to school blindfolded, complaining it's too ugly to look at...:D (What a world we live in. Luckily, she didn't.) :lol:

Miss Darcy