Travelling home, late

[TheFifthElement]

Twilight: gold bands on the horizon,
and in the blank sky a promise of stars.

The road stretches out: inconceivable distance.
Beneath the road the earth cools, contracts.
All around, the universe expanding.

We sink into silence
as the light begins to fail.
The road sinks into darkness.

A child stares through the window.
Reflected in the dark glass: pale face
like a half-moon, eyes like planets bright on the horizon.

She presses her hand against the glass;
the lid of the world is closed now.

Night has fallen, or not so much fallen as consumed.
The earth is cold. In the darkness it shrinks
like a child or a dying man eking out his last breath.
Tyres caress the earth: a small comfort.

We move slowly along the road;
in the distance: headlights move away, disappear.

To the child, in the back seat drifting off to sleep,
it seems as though all roads lead to this.
Silence. The promise of stars.

[dibyendra]

Twilight: gold bands on the horizon,
and in the blank sky a promise of stars.

The road stretches out: inconceivable distance.
Beneath the road the earth cools, contracts.
All around, the universe expanding.

We sink into silence
as the light begins to fail.
The road sinks into darkness.

A child stares through the window.
Reflected in the dark glass: pale face
like a half-moon, eyes like planets bright on the horizon.

She presses her hand against the glass;
the lid of the world is closed now.

Night has fallen, or not so much fallen as consumed.
The earth is cold. In the darkness it shrinks
like a child or a dying man eking out his last breath.
Tyres caress the earth: a small comfort.

We move slowly along the road;
in the distance: headlights move away, disappear.

To the child, in the back seat drifting off to sleep,
it seems as though all roads lead to this.
Silence. The promise of stars.

This is a quite nice poem, Fifth! You depict the scene so vividly! :nod: I really enjoyed reading it! :thumbs_up

[kiz_paws]

I enjoyed your poem for the imagery and the way each phrase struck me as being carefully constructed
pale face
like a half-moon, eyes like planets bright on the horizon

Night has fallen, or not so much fallen as consumed.
I loved the final stanza and your use of "the promise of stars" was reused beautifully ... like a frame for a pretty picture. :)

[qimissung]

I love the quiet, contemplative sound of this, the bell jar around the narrator and the child as the parent reflects and the child dreams...

[Pendragon]

"She presses her hand against the glass;
the lid of the world is closed now."

Perfect line! Encore! Encore!

[PrinceMyshkin]

More and more lately your poetry seems to have taken on the entire cosmos as your canvas, moving gracefully from the precious microcosm of



A child stares through the window.
Reflected in the dark glass: pale face
like a half-moon, eyes like planets bright on the horizon.

to the vastness of outer space, then back again to these more quietly soaring lines:


To the child, in the back seat drifting off to sleep,
it seems as though all roads lead to this.
Silence. The promise of stars.

[Virgil]

Twilight: gold bands on the horizon,
and in the blank sky a promise of stars.

The road stretches out: inconceivable distance.
Beneath the road the earth cools, contracts.
All around, the universe expanding.

We sink into silence
as the light begins to fail.
The road sinks into darkness.

A child stares through the window.
Reflected in the dark glass: pale face
like a half-moon, eyes like planets bright on the horizon.

She presses her hand against the glass;
the lid of the world is closed now.

Night has fallen, or not so much fallen as consumed.
The earth is cold. In the darkness it shrinks
like a child or a dying man eking out his last breath.
Tyres caress the earth: a small comfort.

We move slowly along the road;
in the distance: headlights move away, disappear.

To the child, in the back seat drifting off to sleep,
it seems as though all roads lead to this.
Silence. The promise of stars.

Very nice. The ending there was very touching, which means you built nicely to that point. As someone esle mentioned, the imagery is lovely and the language flows well. It has a good rhythm. After the first couple of lines I was expecting another poem with a pernicious nature (I think I've pointed them out in your last few ;)) but no, nature doesn't seem dangerous here in the least. :)

A couple of questions though.

A child stares through the window.
Reflected in the dark glass: pale face
like a half-moon, eyes like planets bright on the horizon.
Don't get me wrong that's a nice image, but I don't recall ever seeing my reflection in a car window. For a reflection to take place on glass, the light inside the car needs to be brighter than the light on the outside. Perhaps I'm wrong but unless one puts the light on in the car or the outside is completely pitch black with absolutely no light, i don't think this is physically possible. A small thing I'm sure, but if I'm correct it could call into the question the veracity of the poem.

This is the only line I really didn't care for: "Tyres caress the earth: a small comfort." Tires caressing the earth? I don't know. A little too much of a stretch at personification. Perhaps just my preference. Also I didn't know "tyres" with a "y" is a spelling variant if "tires." I had to look that up.

But some of the other lines were wonderful. The first two: "Twilight: gold bands on the horizon,/and in the blank sky a promise of stars." I've never heard anyone describe the sunset as "gold bands" but wonderful. Also connotes with rings, suggesting a sort of marriage. Not sure if you intended that, but I think it fits. I think others have already mentioned other pretty lines. :)

[qimissung]

I've seen my reflection in windows, usually on rainy days or nights. Remember poetic liscense, Virgil.
Also, 'tyres' is an English spelling, and I believe Fifth hails from that region.

I like your connotation-it doesn't have to be what Fifth intended, it's what YOU see in this poem. I like the idea of rings-it makes me think of the rings around Saturn, which kind of brings it back around to the idea of planets, and everything 'spinning in infinity' and the 'all's right with the world' feeling this poem invokes. (Thanks to Paul Simon and Robert Browning, respectively)

[TheFifthElement]

Thanks dibyendra, Qimissung, Kiz, Prince and Pen,

and Virgil, of course! But Virgil had some interesting questions:


Don't get me wrong that's a nice image, but I don't recall ever seeing my reflection in a car window. For a reflection to take place on glass, the light inside the car needs to be brighter than the light on the outside. Perhaps I'm wrong but unless one puts the light on in the car or the outside is completely pitch black with absolutely no light, i don't think this is physically possible.

Interesting, I had to think about this 'cos I see mine all the time! I guess you're probably not quite as pasty as me, what with all that Italian blood ;) I think it only works with pale skin, on the basis of what you've said here: "For a reflection to take place on glass, the light inside the car needs to be brighter than the light on the outside. " which is right, but I think it might be more correct to say that 'the light hitting the glass needs to be brighter than the backdrop'. So if someone has pale skin their skin reflects the available light, which will include any light entering the car through the window, street lighting, car headlights. I'm not sure I've got a complete grasp on the science, but pale skin and the whites of eyes will reflect in a car window at night. Rather like the moon reflecting the sun's light. You might have to take my word for it! Or try painting your face white and see what happens!


Also I didn't know "tyres" with a "y" is a spelling variant if "tires." I had to look that up.
Really?!?! I guess you learned something then ;) 'Tyres' is the way it's spelt (or should I say, 'spelled'?!) in UK, 'tires' is an American variant.

I liked what Qimi had to say here:


I like your connotation-it doesn't have to be what Fifth intended, it's what YOU see in this poem.
Yes, it wasn't my intention but one of the best things about poetry is how it can reach different places in people, mean different things for different reasons. Thanks for reminding me of that :)

[CdnReader]

I love this poem, Fifth, especially those last three lines. Right now, I wish to be that child. No. Right now. I am that child. Thank you. :)

[TheFifthElement]

Thanks Cdn :) I think we are all that child.

[firefangled]

This is wonderful, Fifth.

You are able to capture these shared isolated moments so sensitively and with a language that let me feel being inside that car.

I've always thought driving inside a car at night intensifies what we see out there somehow.

Well done!

[Virgil]

Interesting, I had to think about this 'cos I see mine all the time! I guess you're probably not quite as pasty as me, what with all that Italian blood ;) I think it only works with pale skin, on the basis of what you've said here: "For a reflection to take place on glass, the light inside the car needs to be brighter than the light on the outside. " which is right, but I think it might be more correct to say that 'the light hitting the glass needs to be brighter than the backdrop'. So if someone has pale skin their skin reflects the available light, which will include any light entering the car through the window, street lighting, car headlights. I'm not sure I've got a complete grasp on the science, but pale skin and the whites of eyes will reflect in a car window at night. Rather like the moon reflecting the sun's light. You might have to take my word for it! Or try painting your face white and see what happens!


:lol: I have fairly light skin. But next time I'm in a car at night I will definitely check for this. ;)