To Drink or not to Drink

[papayahed]

My neighbor and I have been friends for quite awhile (since around '92). My neighbor is an alcoholic. He has told me he's an alcoholic. He has a job, pays his bills, in all respects he's an upstanding citizen but he comes home and drinks. Is it wrong for me to go over and have a few cocktails with him?

[imthefoolonthehill]

of course. careful. you might go to hell for it.

seriously though.

drinking isn't wrong, but encouraging an alcoholic might be.

[Scheherazade]

Idle hands...

[papayahed]

Idle hands...

huh?

s10cr

[Scheherazade]

mischief for idle hands? ;)

[papayahed]

But he's doing it anyways, right?

[Scheherazade]

Yes but would you like to be there when he does it and go along with it?

[papayahed]

um, no?

s10cr

[baddad]

If your gonna have a drink, why drink with the rookies? It is not our place in life to change everyone else. Acceptance is important. Recognizing our faults is important, admitting them even more so. But unless someone specifically asks for help, it is really none of our business except to accept everyone for who they are. NO, we should not encourage addicts to continue blindly down the road to destruction. But having a few drinks with a friend is generally accepted as socially normal, so why create a big stir? LIfe is a tough hoe, and people choose all kinds of support mechanisms to cope; REligion, sex, drugs, booze, food, etc. WE live in a world where we accept the premise that adults are allowed to choose their own poisons, nes ce' pa? Don't judge, just pour.

[subterranean]

Tis a personal choice. If you want to and you think it suits you then drink. If not then don't.
I myself is a huge fan of tequilla and JD ;)...

[Scheherazade]

I don't think it is about being judgemental...

[subterranean]

Well tis about personal preferrence..

[Scheherazade]

Yes, it is. And everyone is expressing their personal preference.

[subterranean]

I don't think it is about being judgemental...

[Anselmus]

If your friend truly is an alcoholic, odds are he needs all the help he can get to not drink. I can assure you that -provided he is an alcoholic- things will only get worse in regards to his drinking and what it effects. If you really care, do some research into what alcoholism is and what it takes for an alcoholic to live a reasonably normal life. An alcoholic cannot stop him/herself from drinking; he/she simply cannot do it of their own accord. It's something many people cannot understand because there is nothing they've experienced that is like it - most people can stop something if they choose to apply themselves - an alcoholic cannot stop drinking on their own.

It's no joke and shouldn't be taken lightly.

[papayahed]

If your friend truly is an alcoholic, odds are he needs all the help he can get to not drink. I can assure you that -provided he is an alcoholic- things will only get worse in regards to his drinking and what it effects. If you really care, do some research into what alcoholism is and what it takes for an alcoholic to live a reasonably normal life. An alcoholic cannot stop him/herself from drinking; he/she simply cannot do it of their own accord. It's something many people cannot understand because there is nothing they've experienced that is like it - most people can stop something if they choose to apply themselves - an alcoholic cannot stop drinking on their own.

It's no joke and shouldn't be taken lightly.

There is no chance in the world that I could do or say anything that would make this guy stop drinking (I'm not saying he wouldn't stop but he certainly wouldn't do it because I asked him), I just don't have that kind of influence over him.

[Stanislaw]

Yeah, but it could be perhaps, encouraging him to drink with him?

its a tough question, I really can't think of a good answer, because, it is not a black and white problem...
perhaps a couple of drinks with him is a good thing, but not repeated drinking with him? :confused:

[mono]

Well, papayahed, I think the choice of what you feel you should do relies more on your friend. If he sees his alcoholism as a regretable, life-threatening problem, I would, with no hesitation, attempt helping him to ease his drinking, making a fairly utilitarian decision, but if he has no regrets, and intends never to quit, then . . . well, that choice depends entirely on him, and I would drink with him if he preferred.
To quit, I think, requires not only help from others, but self-participation and determination, but if he sees no conflict with his drinking habit, no one can force him to stop.
I think it very considerate and kind of you for at least concerning your friend's health and behavior.

[Shea]

I don't know how many t-totalers there are in the forums, but I happen to be one. I've never been under the influence of anything (excepting of course legitimate prescriptions meds). Maybe you should know this while reading my opinion. I don't drink mostly for religious reasons, but even if I didn't have that, I still wouldn't, because I saw what alcoholism did to my family, namely the women.

You'd be surprised the influence that friends can have on you. Before we met, when my husband still hung out a lot with his frat buddies, they would drink all the time (not to mention being in the army, or around his family). This seems strange to me because I've always known him to be of the same lifestyle as me. And yet he confessed to me that he had had a drink on two occations when he was visiting his old friends. They had ridiculed him into it. He's not even an alcoholic. I couldn't imagine how difficult it would be for an alcoholic to quit drinking without severing all ties with old friends. Even my husband wrestles with that issue.

I agree with Anselmus that you should really research alcoholism. A good example and support could simply be what he needs. The fact that you care enough to ask opinions, I find very admirable. :)

[Jester]

Besides research i know there are nonalcoholic beverages that can help him but also as stan said its not black and white and i feel compelled to say that perhaps being with him when he drinks, even if you don't (if its not considered rude try hanging out with him and not drinking), rather than have him drinking alone, find out which is more harmful to your freind, and i know alcoholism is life threatening try to contact someone who does have sway over your freind and see what they feel about it, and if anything should be done... My brother is a smoker, and his health went down and i did everything i could to try to help him quit and ended up going to my parents (we were in high school) i don't feel guilty about this becuase it got his problems out on the table and easier to deal with, he knew his family would support him (or at least i would) similar situation but sine i couldn't do anything i went to someone who could.

[amuse]

could you drink with other friends but find alternative ways to bond with this friend? cards, tv, exercise, carpentry, chess, ummm...?

[Helga]

If you think this a big problem with him you should try to help him and not encourage him to drink. if he has a family this is a bigger problem than you think, I know how hard it is to live with a drinking parent. You should try to help him he probably needs a real friend...I don't drink because I know I can't handle it.

[subterranean]

Though I don't have problem with alcohol, I do have problem with alcholism. I'm not encourage and will never encourage people to drink/smoke/whatever. Opinions may differ and we have to decide for ourselves or our own sakes.

[papayahed]

Thanks everybody for your input, but I guess it comes down to me answering my own question, what I'm comfortable with.

[Bongitybongbong]

Though I don't have problem with alcohol, I do have problem with alcholism. I'm not encourage and will never encourage people to drink/smoke/whatever. Opinions may differ and we have to decide for ourselves or our own sakes.
That's my opinion ....sub knows his stuff.

[amuse]

yes, :nod: she does.

[subterranean]

Thank you Ash...a She indeed :nod:

[Bongitybongbong]

He...she...doesn't really matter now does it?(I just use he/his until I'm corrected)