another night with the silent man

[ahsiam]

a breath on her neck
tuned the lyre beneath
when she lost the lust in him.


with an uncertain fate
obscurity of his pensive tone existed in her
for that, fate was the only desire inside


and the urgency of sanity
lived within the bare finger
but was dead
as a reason of that living diamond ring


nothing that is
what was lost
except her sign of finger edge in that smoky glass
and nothing that is not
what she wanted not to end.


the ultimate beauty lies
in mind, if that is-
they were above it
a glimpse, a gesture, a sudden drop of tear
believed to be the only creation of beauty.


constant falling of snows
replace the old sensual ones
so virgin the unborn snows are, that virgin she is!
for which the contentment of his carnage ends in her.


they lied there with their spent songs
in an integration of ultimate euphoria
where desire could exist no more.


dark folds of her skirt
conceals itself within the protruding edge of his shirt
as if they lived beneath...

[symphony]

Alluring. Of late your poems have a misty touch to them and an easy flow that makes them sound sweet when spoken out loud.
This one gives clear images, all of them vivid, titillating and sweet. But the use of "that is" in some places confused me a bit about the structure of the sentences, though they're hardly followed in poems, yet i'm not sure they fit in those places.

Oh and this time i dont think (finally!!) i like the ending over the whole poem, the ending is good, but the rest is better. ;)

[ahsiam]

Hey thanks symph ! I am really glad that the poem did sound alluring to you. I tried to give this poem an enigmatic touch. Yet the words are vivid( as you said), the poem itself is not. And until you dont understand the real image, you wont get to like it(like u said about the use of "that is"). And about the last stanza, i think i told u earlier that u wont like it that much(FINALLY!). :)

[Pendragon]

Whoa! Handled well a somewhat touchy subject! :thumbs_up

[ahsiam]

Thank you, uncle pen! I am really happy that you took your time to read it and gave a comment..and it made me high that u think i have handled the subject well...:D