Earthless Elements

[Cellar Door]

you were drowning and i
lit myself on fire for you
i was dreaming or did it
happen yesterday
i was screaming and you
were laughing
looking up from your watery blankets
you laughed at the flames in my hair
and my throat was raw
maybe it was on fire too
then we lay together
water and fire
and birthed a child
we named her air
but i'm still screaming
and you laugh until your eyes bleed salt
it has always been
only you
only you
only
you can not save me
now

[Cellar Door]

I would appreciate any criticism on this one... Thanks!

[Dark Muse]

This is interesting, and I like the imagery, but there are a couple of places where the line breaks are awkward and makes it a bit choppy to read.


you were drowning and i
lit myself on fire for you
i was dreaming or did it
happen yesterday
i was screaming and you
were laughing

you were drowning
and i lit myself on fire for you
i was dreaming or
did it happen yesterday
i was screaming and
you were laughing

[Cellar Door]

Thanks Dark Muse! Didn't notice the choppiness of it.