would you go to the funeral?

[motherhubbard]

My best friend’s high school sweetheart caught his wife cheating on him and he killed himself. She went to the funeral today. She liked him then, but he wasn’t that great to her and they broke up on not so pleasant terms. They weren’t still chummy. I was thinking about this and there is not a single person I dated in high school or as an adult that I who’s funeral I would attend if they were to die. There was one boy I dated just a couple of times who’s funeral I would attend, but that’s just because I worship with his parents. I hate to even mention that because he’s in Iraq right now.

Does this mean I’m a cold, heartless, unfeeling woman? Would you go to the funeral of someone you dated 20 years ago?

[Shalot]

I don't know about that. I am thinking probably not. But, there may have been things between those two that were private and while their relationship wasn't presentable to everyone else, there may have been some love left between them that was perceptable only to them... Also, he killed himself and that's sort of a special situation. It's not an everyday average kind of funeral, so maybe in that case, I would have gone to the funeral too.

There's a guy I went to a dance with and I can honestly say that I would go to his funeral if he died tomorrow. And there's another guy I was friend's with and sort of romantically involved with, but I wouldn't go to his funeral. He has a wife and kid and it would be SO inappropriate if he died tomorrow and I went.

[Joreads]

No you are not cold hearted I agree with you 100% I would not have attended either.

[MrK]

yikes....I hate funerals in general so I wouldn't go, unless pretty much forced...but I think it depends on how different people gain closure...some may need to...

[Poetess]

I went to an ex of mine`s funeral, but we were young we were felt for each other. When he died he was dating my cousin. And we still go to his grave, put him flowers and light him Bakhour.

But if the relation was about 20-year old ago and we were never in contact all that time, I wouldn`t go. I mean it`s not about being cold-hearted, I just don`t know anything about this person anymore; however, if the relation continued on being well between us, I would go.

[JBI]

I wouldn't attend - I would think of it like this - we broke up for a reason - clearly someone made the wrong choice, and ended up with the wrong person - serves him right, after all, he killed himself.

[Scheherazade]

I think I would... For the sake of those "good times" or those things that made me like him. After all, this is the last chance to give a nod, especially knowing there would not be another chance to do so.

And, selfishly, I would also hope that those who used to be close to me would come to mine... even though the friendship had gone sour... Who doesn't want to be remembered fondly however much they hurt or got hurt?

[byquist]

Tough question. I don't really believe in funerals (and many other ceremonious duties) and I will not have one for yours truly; the funeral salesmen will make no money off me. Also, slow-driving cars endanger drivers on highways--not good. Still, if it is a sign of respect, condolences, and if something meaningful to others, it has its very modest place. I don't understand all the funeral marching in DC for presidents upon their demise, whether Democrat or Republican; may they rest in peace and their heirs not make a show of it. Of course, some cultures, nationalities, etc. make a big deal of funerals, their absolute right. The person is somewhere else, so flowers on graves just are a nice business for the florist. Where that somewhere is, "ay, that is the question, a darlin' question."

[Pensive]

If visiting anybody's funeral matters in my eyes, I think I will attend, as Scher has mentioned, for the sake of good old times (it's difficult to ignore the death of somebody you were once so close to as if you don't give a damn). But just out of curiosity, on a totally different topic perhaps, I wonder why do we care about what people's thoughts about us would be/if they will even visit our funerals or not once we are dead? :p

[Shalot]

If visiting anybody's funeral matters in my eyes, I think I will attend, as Scher has mentioned, for the sake of good old times (it's difficult to ignore the death of somebody you were once so close to as if you don't give a damn). But just out of curiosity, on a totally different topic perhaps, I wonder why do we care about what people's thoughts about us would be/if they will even visit our funerals or not once we are dead? :p

Probably just because, like you said, you still give a damn or people do still give a damn. Even about the people whose friendships we had with them ended badly.

[weltanschauung]

what difference does it make, the person is dead. jeez.

[Granny5]

I happen to know you are cold hearted....I saw what you did to that poor deer.
It would depend on who it was and the real relationship I had with the person. My
friend Kathy's brother died. We had dated when we were young. I would have gone
if I had known about his death in time because he was more like family than
ex-boyfriend. We grew up together.