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blp
09-25-2008, 06:21 PM
dream poem's not really the name of the poem. I wrote it for this thread on dream poems (http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/booksblog/2008/sep/19/poster.poems.billy.mills?commentpage=5&commentposted=1) on the guardian website. It's still pretty rough and doesn't have a title.

I've rarely allowed myself to be so oneiric.

*****


Are you sure that they’ve banned smoking here?
It seems to smell of it. I fell asleep and left an imprint
of dark grease
on the audit papers.
Ink on my face, like shame written

The black blind dropped and the dust rose off it. Grey light came over the scene. Grey-brown mud seeped in. The window opened and dirt cascaded into the room, a pale arm appearing from it and a soft bulb was extruded and plopped onto a chair…

That day we walked out in red-brown leaves
Piles of them emptying themselves of blue-grey smoke
sweetly
while all over the Virginian forests and gardens
the snow sat like a layer of fresh fat.
And I found she was walking along a wall in the house beside me
wrapped in a white sheet
and didn’t know me.
‘Can you call my daughter for me?’ she asked.

It all meant getting in a car
again.

We went around the city her playing at being grownup driving the car paying for things with cheques, getting groceries and saying whatever grownups say and it was really
like a horror movie

an atrocity
a dark, bloody hole
in reality

Driving, lurching, veering across lanes, cream butter of buildings, black holes, windows. Driving, not seeing. face in grey shadow.

A public sculpture looms like yellow hope out of the intersection, kids climbing on it and some promise for the future,
except that

the thing to let go of in your past is the promise of the future.

Goodbye
Pretty, ruddy cheeked people putting on goggles
for a ride in their
flying car

a bare breasted woman with a jewelled forehead
consorts with a prince at a churning ambrosia soda fountain

A sandy haired boy in a pale green shirt, buttons undone
stands like a challenge in the intersection
long hair falling over sunglasses
strange building works all around
scaffolding
with hessian covers flapping like ragged flags
people in Prussian blue jackets
share secrets and walk around
perch in rooms in the public sculpture
on rough wooden planks
discovering strange drawings
hearing new musics

In this story we are always driving.
In this dream we were always driving.
missing it all
The new worlds you could buy
in magazines on the newsstand.
The new colours you could find.

from elaborate ornamental gardens
water shooting from the mouths
of prettily lichened stone sea monsters
topiary hedges and trees
spreading across the lawn like clouds

we fled on to the terminus
in Smalltown.
got crewcuts
bought baseball caps
drank milk
and passed

new legislation
to ban clouds passing skyscrapers
so they could never again create the illusion
of falling.

firefangled
09-25-2008, 09:37 PM
This is so good the way it moves into the dream sense of itself through the smoking leaves.

If you un-"rough" it, I hope you don't too much.

Riesa
09-25-2008, 09:47 PM
sigh. is oneiric a word we all know? only you would take a cloudy clubbish word and remind us it means dreamy.

blp
09-26-2008, 09:15 AM
Thanks, firefangled. I guess I mean, I just wrote it and don't yet know how much unroughening it needs. I'm finding I like it coming back to it today, so chances are it won't change much.

Riesa, before you ask, unroughening is not (yet) a word. But yes, oneiric is (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/oneiric), even if firefox doesn't think so. firefox apparently doesn't even think firefox is a word. Oh, I see, it wants me to capitalise it. But look, what do you mean by this great phrase 'clubby cloudish'? Or, I mean, 'cloudy clubbish'.

hoope
09-26-2008, 03:26 PM
Well written .. & i really enjoyed reading it..
thx alot 4 sharing .

blp
09-26-2008, 04:02 PM
Thanks, hoope. Glad you enjoyed it.

thegitksan
09-26-2008, 06:14 PM
I like the sense of wildness, of chaos, that you've captured here. Though I don't dream with the same kind of imagery as this poem suggests, nevertheless, I recognised that chaotic leap from topic to topic.

blp
09-26-2008, 09:26 PM
Thanks, thegitksan. Wildness and chaos good.

TheFifthElement
09-27-2008, 09:02 AM
I sold the car and now I wake up cycling.

I guess all forms of transport can become a nightmare.

But I like this poem, with its allusions of fat and grease, and even though this line

A public sculpture looms like yellow hope out of the intersection, made me think of the SUPERLAMBANANA (http://www.superlambbanana.com/home.php?/home) which I hate :flare:

But what a ride. The soft-plopping bulb made me shiver. Your dreams are worse than mine!

And I agree with firefangled, I hope you don't edit too heavily. Any ideas on a title yet?

blp
09-27-2008, 04:44 PM
Eooh. I saw a few of these superlambanana things on a recent trip to the 'pool. I sort of thought they were supposed to be Liver birds. Anyway, you're right; they're vile. Think of it more like an enormous amorphous blob a little like the yellow submarine but less defined, to stay Liverpudlian about it.

I don't even know how to drive, but, weirdly, keep wanting to write about driving in poems. I've done it three times now. Cycling rocks harder than ever since I got my amazing 'eighties Harry Hall ten speed with the Reynolds 531 frame. Can't ever see it becoming a nightmare, but we'll see I suppose.

It's nice that you don't want too much editing, because that's pretty much how I feel too. Only thought on a title was the rather simple dream sequence, but I may actually prefer dream poem to that.

Virgil
09-27-2008, 06:36 PM
I like it. The doleful tone of this is held throughout despite the rhythmic and line length changes, and yet it has a large reach of vsion. There is something of an epic vision to this. There are many nice lines, but this one was outstanding: "the snow sat like a layer of fresh fat."

blp
09-27-2008, 07:33 PM
Thanks, Virgil. Glad you like that bit.

Vixen
09-27-2008, 08:01 PM
Good poem, I enjoyed the pace of it, and the dream imagerary :)

blp
09-27-2008, 08:56 PM
Thanks!

thegitksan
09-27-2008, 09:14 PM
I liked the disjointedness of the pieces. I mean, I thoroughly enjoyed the imagery, but it was the jerky feel of a badly spliced film or video I liked, where the jump occurs without much connecting tissue.

blp
09-27-2008, 09:27 PM
I liked the disjointedness of the pieces. I mean, I thoroughly enjoyed the imagery, but it was the jerky feel of a badly spliced film or video I liked, where the jump occurs without much connecting tissue.

Yes, nicely put. I figured that's what you meant and I'm pleased with that aspect of it too. It does seem to be the way I often dream.